Eliot Spitzer Gives Licences to ILLEGALS !!!

I campaigned and voted for Eliot Spitzer because I believed he was listening to the citizens of New York. Now he is giving Driver’s Licenses to people who are here illegally and creating (from CNN.com) an "enhanced driver's license [for citizens] that will be as secure as a passport and can be used for voter ID. It would be voluntary and available for a small extra fee.” . Eliot is giving illegal aliens drivers licenses despite polls running 87% against it from New Yorkers. He is completely ignoring the voters he represents and is catering to a group he does not represent, can’t tax, can’t make accountable for anything. He has completely restored my belief that there isn’t a decent politician in this country.

As long as Spitzer is going to make regular citizens pay extra for an “enhanced” license that can still be used for voter ID purposes, I thought.... Shelter Island is always looking for revenue generating ideas....we have our own vanity license plates, maybe we can charge for an “enhanced, enhanced license” to drive on Shelter Island! I even thought of a test.

The Shelter Island Written Driving Test

In addition to all the standard Drivers Test questions, you must answer these.

1] Spell the name of the preserve that covers one third of the Island.
2] Translate the following: 1bdrm/1 bthrm apt. $900/mo OS, $6000/mo MD-LD.
No pts, no smkg, no chldrn. No util; No plyng ld msc; no prtys; no sx on frnt lwn.
3] How many pecks in a bushel? How many clams can you get without a permit?
4] If you own a truck, how many people per month do you have to help move something?
5] How many bottles of water and how much food is recommended to take with you if you’re going to be in the North
Ferry line on a Friday during the summer?
6] What is the minimum amount of nice, reusable, items you have to have left at the dump in order to live here year round?
7] On a map of SI, can you point out where the unmarked road is to Shell Beach?
8] Are you prepared to commit to having a magnetic map of SI on the back or your car or a SI Vanity plate?
(You have to have one or the other, or no license for you!)
9] Are you prepared to help defend Shelter Island against an invasion from Ram Island, in the event that global warming
raises the water on their side first?
10] Are you prepared to beat the residents of Greenport or Sag Harbor with beach chairs, or whatever you can grab, in the
event they try to build a bridge here?
11] Name three big Island families and at least 36 ways they are interrelated.
12] If you own a boat, how many times per month can you use it for your own selfish pleasure without inviting anyone else
along? (Just remember, making payments on the boat, renting the dock space, buying all the deck equipment, does not necessarily make it “your” boat.)
13] If you’re traveling north from the South Ferry at 32 mph, and your friend is traveling south from the North Ferry
at 27 mph, what will the weather be in China next Tuesday?
14] In the event of any reason we all have to gather at the school overnight, what are the most important things to bring?
(Blankets, beer and cigarettes are a given, what else is important?)
15] When driving by the library and you see a really annoying child tied to the tree in front of the library do you;
A} Report the parent for child abuse.
B} Point out the child to your children and say, “See what happens?”
C} Go up the the child and study the knot that is holding him so well.

Thank you for taking the Shelter Island Driving Test. Please remit a fee of $55 to Shelter Island in care of the Sally Flynn Jewelry Fund. Thank you.

Meerkat Manor Flower Power!

A Mom, by any other name.....

I’m a movie person, I don’t watch many network TV shows. I’ve never seen Seinfeld or Cheers or Raymond, but I’m nuts over Animal Planet’s show, “Meerkat Manor”. The star of the show is the dominant female, Flower.

Cambridge University has been studying meerkats in the African Kalahari desert for over ten years. Meerkats are unique in that they are one of the most cooperative mammals on the planets. There is so much we can learn from them.

#1 They share babysitting duties, only the dominant female has pups, and all the adult females in the gang (a family of meerkats is called a gang) lactate with her to share the nursing detail. Damn fine idea if you ask me. I don’t know how many times I wished I could go somewhere without the baby or a breast pump.

#2 Flower ran a gang of forty, all her and her partner Zaphod’s offspring. Like elephants, dolphins and lions, all the females in the group are related. Males are driven off when they mature. Only selected non-related males are allowed in the gang for breeding purposes. There’s another fine idea from the meerkats, once young males are mature, bit them on the tail until they leave the burrow. If you don’t they’ll just make trouble.

#3 Every morning, Flower designated a babysitter adult to stay with the babies, and then led the gang out on a foraging trip for food. That’s right - why take those annoying kids with you when you food shop? Leave them in the burrow with a sitter and get out there and get that IGA foraging done in half the time.

#4 Nutritional awareness; Flower would bring the young meerkats along and teach them what to eat. Once, while six weeks pregnant with her next brood, she worked hard to catch a fat millipede and held it in place while the kids gnawed on it. What mother can’t relate to that?

#5 Love in the afternoon; I have to say there was when Flower disappointed me. She had a thing for Carlos, a renegade male from the Zappa gang. A couple of times they met for a tryst in the the scrub. It’s clear to me that some of her pups were his. I don’t think she ever told Zaphod. And if he knew, he was too much of an upstanding meerkat to let on. I guess all females have a weakness for those bad boys in the bush.

#6 Move it! Flower moved the gang over thirty times last year whenever the burrow got over run with parasites and meerkat droppings. How smart is that? Why clean the house over and over? Get up, grab the babies by the scruff of the neck and move to another burrow. While you’re gone, the dung beetles will completely clean out you home and you can rotate back to a clean burrow in a few months. I love the way meerkats think!

#7 No means NO! Whenever Flower had a rebellious daughter, she booted her out of the gang. In order to get back in the group, the daughter would have to go to extreme measures to show submission and obedience to her mother. Like bringing her fresh scorpions and grubs, and biting all the fleas and ticks off of her back. I’m telling you, Flower had it going on.

#8 I’m only telling you ONCE. Flower gave the call to come or go and nipped anyone who had to be told twice. Seems harsh, but with forty children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, it’s a really good policy. Who has time to individually chase the stragglers? If the kids don’t come when called and get picked up by an owl for dinner, they have no one to blame but themselves.

Sadly, last week, Flower, the mighty and daring dominant female of the Whiskers gang died after being bitten by a cobra while defending her pups. What a meerkat, what a Mom. Rest in peace Flower.

Leave the Kids in the Cave !!!

Parental Time Off for Good Behavior

“AUSTIN, Texas - Three students rescued after spending 30 hours inside a cave they were exploring gave searchers a guide to find them: a trail of leaves they deliberately left behind.”

“Ms Flynn, great news! We found your kids. They’re in a cave, they left a trail of leaves for us to follow to get them. You must be so relieved!”
“Oh, sure Sheriff. Of course I’m thrilled. It’s been so quiet and peaceful here this weekend without them though..... Are you sure they’re all right?”
“Yes. The rescuers left food and drinks, flashlights, at key locations in the tunnels during the search and they disappeared, so I’m sure they’re fine.”
“That’s nice that you got some food to them. So, now that they’ve had a little snack, maybe they’d like to do some more exploring before they come home. I mean, it must be a lovely cave, they went to a lot of trouble to find it.”
“I thought you went in a panic about them being missing - isn’t that why you called 911?”
“No, that wasn’t me, must have been one of the other parents.”
“What - you’re not worried about your kids being lost in a cave?”
“But that’s just it, they’re not really lost. We know where the cave is and you said they left a trail of leaves to show them the way out of the windy cave, and gee, what could go wrong there?”
“Ms Flynn, I’m getting the impression you don’t want them home.”
“Well, not so much that I don’t want the little darlings home as I’d just like a little more time off. I read in National Geographic that people can get very adapted to living in the dark. I was thinking, if I leave food at the entrance, they could play in the cave for another five, six days...I could really get the house cleaned without them traipsing around, plus get into their rooms and route out whatever it is that is living under their beds and eating socks.”
“Most parents would be thrilled to have their children home with them.”
“Most parents don’t have my children. Have you met them? My daughter could make Mother Theresa homicidal. And my son? Stubborn, rigid - concrete slabs are less rigid than my son. They could use a few days in a cave.”
“But surely you miss them?”
“I have pictures.”
“Don’t you miss hearing their voices?”
“Neither of them speak to me.”
“Maybe you could work on being a better parent so they would speak to you.”
“I got a thousand dollars says you can’t spend 24 hours in that cave with two teenagers without losing your mind or using your gun.”
“I’ll take that bet, and I’ll leave my gun here.”
“Trust me, take the gun.”

The next day.
“How did it go Sheriff? How was it?”
“How can your daughter complain about the way the rocks are arranged in a cave?”
“She’s a teen, she can complain about anything. It’s some kinda gift.”
“Your son knows every species that lives in the cave.”
“Uh-huh.”
“He knows what they eat, where they live, what their mating habits are, what music they live - and he tells you. And if you interrupt him, he starts over at the beginning. He starts over and over until you listen to the entire lecture without interruption. And your daughter complains in the background. She refuses all suggestions and just keeps complaining. I’m so glad I didn’t take the gun.”
“Hey, listen, thanks for giving me an extra day of peace. I’ll go pick them up later.”
“No, you can’t get them later. It’ll take at least a day for the rescue crew to dig them out of the cave in. We’ll go tomorrow.”
“Cave in?”
“I was running away from your daughter when my shoulder brushed against the main support beam and caused a slight collapse.”
“Wow! ‘bout time I caught a lucky break.”