BBQ Grill : Cave Men vs. Modern Man

I get such a kick listening to men discuss and debate how to barbecue - charcoal, propane or wood, controlling hot spots, "seasoning" the grill, the best barbecue tools to use, how women just never get grilling right. Listening to the secret barbecue sauce recipes alone is hysterical. "And I add a pinch of gun powder, gives a real smokin' chokin' flavor and just a pinch won't hurt nobody."

Scientists now agree that our ancient ancestors probably had the same level of intelligence and problem solving ability that we have now, they just didn't have the same technology. I don't think there's much difference between the early man on Shelter Island and the modern Shelter Island man today.

Mugette: "Bumba, are we still going to Umba's for dinner?"

Bumba: "Yup, Jumba. Umba's got a new stone pit we have to break in."

Mugette: "Well, whatever you're hunting today, try to kill something casual for me to wear, I can't wear this doeskin again."

Bumba: "What's wrong with it? I just killed that for you last moon."

Mugette: "Right, last moon, and I've worn it to at least seven group dinners, I can only accessorize a skin so many times honey, then I just need something new."

Bumba: "Fine, I'll see what runs by."

Mugette: "And stop by the beach and pick me up a bag of scallop shells, try to match the pattern's a little better this time."

Bumba: "Your brother brought you two bags of clam shells already, what's wrong with them?"

Mugette: "Please, he only gave them to me because his mate rejected them. Nobody wears clam now. And she only wears conchs, be happy that I am not asking for conchs."

Later that night around the new stone pit at the Umba place:

Jumba: "I been marinating this baby boar in dill and brine for three days, this meat's gonna fall off the bone."

Bumba: "Only three days? I always do a dry rub of rosemary and corn pollen on my pig or deer, and then I wrap it in seaweed, then long grass and sink it in the brine for five days. Best marinade ever."

Logbog: "Only five days? I stuff mine with onion grass and dill, rub honey all over the meat, then a seaweed wrap, tie it in a bag and bury it for seven days. I stopped using brine marinade, the sodium in the meat is off the chart, man. A Cro-Magnon reaches our age, he's gotta take care of himself. Any time you get over 30 seasons is a gift, you know. You get older and slower, takes longer to recover from being gored, the aches and pains get worse and we have to wait another 30 or 40,000 years before the Egyptians show up and invent beer. Meanwhile, all we got for pain relief is nutmeg and the priests have locked that up for religious ceremonies. It's hard out here for a caveman."

Mugette: "Is that meat ready you guys? We got hungry kids here!"

Bumba: "It's coming. You can't rush this, Mugette."

Mugette: "Fine, Loofa and I are taking a few skins and the kids down to Foofi's and getting some McSquirrelettes."

Bumba: "You're not spending my skins at Foofi's, this meat will be ready soon enough."

Muggette: "Okay, you come in this car and entertain six hungry kids."

I'm tellin' ya, Island men haven't changed in thousands of years.