Flying Cow Lands on MiniVan

Udderly Implausible

SPOKANE, Washington (Reuters 11/7/07) - A cow plunged from a 200-foot cliff onto the hood of a minivan on a highway in central Washington state, according to police. The police estimated the animal weighed 600 lbs., the average size of a mature cow. It had been missing for two days and wandered 5 miles from home near the popular Lake Chelan tourist area.

“I swear to God, Carol, the cow just fell outta the sky on the van.”
“You talked me into letting you use my van to go deer hunting again - you swear not to mess it up this time but, nooooooo, you destroy it! Now I’m supposed to believe that - not only was it raining cats and dogs - oh no - it was raining cows! Are you kidding me? How am I going to get my insurance to cover that? Is a falling cow an Act of God? Why don’t you call the agent, ask what the deductible is for airborne bovine collision!”
“Carol, I’m serious, babe. Look, call Johnny, it nearly scared him to death, he’ll tell you, it’s the God’s honest truth.”
“Stop it! I’m so sick of this! You make up any excuse you can to go hunting as much as possible so you can avoid spending time with me and the kids! You always come home hungover and deerless, my van stinks of beer and doe urine for weeks, and now, somehow, you’ve crushed the roof of the van, and the best you can come up with is some cow and bull story about being attacked by flying cows in the night in search of hapless deer hunters in minivans. Tell the truth, you got blitzed and you have no idea what happened to the van.”
“Look, we were sober. I was driving. Johnny was opening up a bag of chips when, WHAM! There’s this huge crash on top of the van. I coulda had a heart attack - ever think about that? And then we hear something go ‘thud’ on the ground behind us. We turned around and saw the cow on the road and Johnny called 911.”
“You hit the cow.”
“NO! The cow hit US! The cops said it fell off a cliff.”
“A cow was wondering around and rather than face certain capture and deportation back to the farm, it decided to commit suicide by jumping off the cliff, and it just happened to hit you.”
“Yes.”
“How stupid do you think I am?”
“You’re not stupid, Carol, you married me didn’t you?”
“I think I just answered my own question.”
“Look, I’ll take the van in for repair first think tomorrow. You can drive my Chevy this week. I’ll get a ride to work with Carl.”
“I can’t drive the Chevy.”
“Why not?”
“The left side is crushed in.”
“You had an accident with my car?”
”No. We were driving home from the IGA when we were sideswiped by a rhinoceros.”
“Geez, Carol that’s not even close to a good lie. How the hell did a rhino get on a highway and sideswipe the car?”
“I don’t know, ask the cow, she should’ve had a good view from up on the cliff.”
“Good night, Carol, I’m going to bed.”
“My bed?”
“I guess not. I’ll get some sheets and take the couch.... hey, what’s with these sheets, they smell funny.”
“It’s my new cleaning agent for removing the smell of beer, cigarettes, doe urine, and campfire smoke.”
“Smells like kerosene.”
“Nope. Lighter fluid. Have a good night.”
“You’re killin’ me, Carol, you’re killin’ me.”
“Don’t tempt me......... flying cows.......”