Monday, May 19, 2008

How to Get Your Man to LISTEN!

Wait honey, let me ax you something...

Driving to work this morning, I heard some morning show host giving advice on how women can really get men to listen to them. They advocated three rules: 1. Sit beside the man, not in front of him. Eye contact can be intimidating for men. They are more likely to open up if they are sitting beside you. 2. No distractions. Try to talk to him without any radio, TV, or any other distractions. The reason is that men can’t multitask well. 3. Get to the point. When women build up to something, his mind wanders until he thinks you’re getting to the point.

I think all three of these suggestions are excellent. Especially the third one about getting to the point. I find that more women over explain things to men. They don’t care. They just want to know what you want and when you want it. I recall wanting my ex to paint a room for me. I tacked the color I selected to the wall with a note giving the deadline. I also made a note of the consequences; first no cooking, then no marital privileges, then I would take his fly fishing equipment hostage. The room was painted the color I wanted and on time, without any nagging. I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t nag, they don’t hear it, threaten their toys instead.

There are some other suggestions I have for communicating with men.

Lasagna; learn to make an excellent lasagna. Feed him a big garlicky piece and he will listen to anything you say. Remember that the second piece usually puts them to sleep, so if you need to ask for money or for a relative to visit, wait until you’ve got him in that pasta stupor, you know, when he’s pasta all caring....

Gift Certificate to Lowe's or Home Depot: If you need him to take you somewhere and he doesn’t want to go, get a Lowe’s or Home Depot gift certificate and a sale catalog. Explain to him, that after he takes you to your appointment or event, you and he can go to Home Depot on the way home and he can stay as long as he likes looking at all the lawn tractors, and Barbecue equipment and new tools. I have never met a heterosexual man who can resist this. Tool shopping for them is like shoe shopping for us. There’s always room for a new tool.

Sleep deprivation: I have friend who liked to wait until she had her hubby alone on their boat to let him have it about some issue she had. She was getting nowhere, and he was putting in early rather than listen to her. I suggested she reverse course. Make those day cruises a love-fest and not mention anything unpleasant. Just sail away on a sparkling sea. After you get home, I told her, let him catch you crying softly on the edge of the bed. He’s had a great day and he’s tired from the salt air. He’ll agree to anything to stop the crying so he can get some sleep. And he did.... she said it worked like a charm every time. Find a way to have a great day and then slip in a crying jag at the end. He has to “fix” the problem so he can get to sleep. I love it when a plan comes together.....

My mother has been known to remove men’s car batteries and hide them in the kitchen when she absolutely had to talk to one of my brothers. Very effective, it worked every time. My grandmother wanted a refrigerator. She still had a ice box when I was in grade school. One day, she took an ax to the ice box, threw the ax in the middle of the living room floor where my grandfather was watching TV and announced “Ervin, NOW I need a refrigerator.” I recall we all held out breath, certain he was going to kill her. But there must be something about a woman wielding an ax that melts a man’s heart. He quietly, meekly rose from his lazyboy and got in the car. The next day, Gram had her first refrigerator, it was 1965.

So remember, when you want your fella to listen to you, reduce his distractions, use lasagna if needed, and if all else fails, use an ax.

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