Fat Chance...

No Thanks, I’ll Take the Chance

It seems like everything we do is unsafe, fattening or illegal.

How did my generation ever survive? We, the Flower Power generation, grew up in extreme danger compared to kids today. We didn’t even have seatbelts. Our mothers developed strong upper chest and arm muscles as they slammed us up against the car seat when they hit the brakes. Babies rode on your lap. Toddlers stood between the driver and passenger with a bottle hanging out of their mouths. Everyone smoked, and if you sat in the back seat, you always stood a chance of being hit by hot cigarette embers being flicked out the car window by someone in the front seat. When seatbelts first started appearing, we ignored them. It wasn’t until it was made into a law, which I still disagree with by the way because I think it’s an invasion of privacy, that we used them. Now, if you’re short, you get sawed off at the neck by the cross strap, and if you’re bosomy, you get to have one boob sawed off as you drive. Ahhh, I miss the days when we lived on the edge...

Water? I remember we had clean water all the time. We drank from the tap and the garden hose if we were outside. Nobody carried around bottles of water, only themos’s of coffee or tomato soup. Now, we carry water around with us all the time like we’re nomads in a desert and we can’t be sure of when we’ll hit the next oasis! And how did we get conned into buying water? People bring water to work. Why? Isn’t there a faucet somewhere in the workplace where you can get a cup of water? How much plastic and labor is used to make a bottle of water? For a society that wants to go green, it’s nuts. Somewhere along the way we bought the concept that we have to have eight glasses of water a day or some body part will shrivel and fall off I guess. I grew up in a time when we drank water only when we were thirsty.

We survived without warning labels on everything and nobody got hysterical and passed a law based on singular occurrances. Did you know that after 9/11, a law was passed that all cell phones and laptop computers have a gps chip in them now - allegedly so that you can be found in the event you are missing. Another invasion of privacy wrapped in the “it’s for your own good” banner. Suppose I’m on the run from the law? I’ll have to use payphones, which aren’t a common sight anymore, and carry around a desktop iMac, that’s a damn inconvenience for life on the lam.

On-Star navigation can be a blessing, the cops can find you in the event of an accident. They can also find you whenever they please. I predict within five years, having an On-Star type of connection in your car will be law. It will be ‘”for your own good”. Won’t it feel good to know the authorities can locate anywhere, anytime? I’m sure that it won’t ever be abused. Men in authority wouldn’t ever abuse it to track their girlfriends movements, or other abuses like that, nah, that’ll never happen.

The invention I want to see is a gps with a small explosive charge put into men’s wedding rings. I’d pay good money for that. After all, I could track his movements - for his own good - and send him a little electric shock if he’s in a bar he shouldn’t be in. And if I located him at motel he should not be in, I could activate the explosive charge and blow off his finger, which I believe would derail him from any planned immoral activity.