Trade-Mockery

After a long legal battle, a summer resident of Shelter Island, lost his trademark of the silhouette image of the map of Shelter Island. Thank you to all the lawyers who worked pro bono to reclaim our beloved image. Everyone can once again use the outline of Shelter Island without fear.

For those of you who aren’t sure what silhouette I’m talking about, it’s the one on our license plates, magnetic stickers on the backs of our cars, on our refrigerators, plastered on 90% of any tee shirt or clothing item sold here, key chains, pens, hats, handbags, jewelry, etc. It has been used flagrantly in the school by hundreds of students in paintings, school projects and such. I haven’t seen one yet, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone gets a tattoo of the Island. But I sort of hope that doesn’t happen because then it could become very fashionable and soon we’d have a generation of teenagers with Island tats. They’ll look cute while the kids are still young, but eventually, their Island tattoos will expand and be mistaken for Sag Harbor...

However, I have to admit that I am a tiny bit disappointed that the guy lost his suit, because it could have opened the door to a new level of trademarks and a lot of money for Shelter Island. The Chequit could have trademarked it’s famous crooked tower and then everyone would have to pay to take pictures of it. The Dory could have trademarked, what else? The image of a dory. Jack’s Marina would have a plethora of choices to trademark; clam nets, life jackets, just about anything nautical. Bliss’s Department Store could trademark the image of Topsiders and a hundred other things. The Clarks could have trademarked the image of a ferry. And the Town itself could have trademarked images of the water surrounding the Island. It has that unique blue gray green shade so popular in the Atlantic now. Any tourist taking a picture on the ferry with the ocean in the background ( a common background for a ferry) would owe royalties to multiple Islanders. I had my heart set on a owning the image of a clam.

But, then, the idea might spread and soon, Southampton might trademark beach dunes, East Hampton would trademark all their celebrities as town property and my darling Paul Simon would trademark all of Montauk - I should call him really, and ask him if I can have the lighthouse image. I’ve always liked it and he has enough stuff. But then, there’s always the chance that Montauk would beat him to the punch and trademark him, and I suppose they’d want their lighthouse too, so demanding...

But these are opportunities lost. Now that the image of Shelter Island is in the public domain again, I suppose I’ll have to give back the sky. I’ve secretly owned it for years. I was going to cash in on all the artists who have been painting it all this time without my written consent and retire. Now, I’ll have to fall back on my ownership of all the maple trees in New York State. I want to shift them around and create new color patterns. But I’ll just keep those plans to myself for now.

Seal of Approval?

The Shelter Island Town is thinking of redesigning the town seal. The current seal has an Indian with a war bonnet headdress in a birch bark canoe. However, with time we have learned that only the plains tribes had those grand full feather headdresses and tribes in our area used dugout canoes, not bark ones. We could probably accurately update the native American seal to the profile of a brave, likely from the Shinnecock, Manhasset or Montauk tribes (see www.richmondhillhistory.org/indians), since they were likely the first inhabitants of the island. That would be my choice. But I also thought of a few other symbols for the seal.

How about a little plate with six clams on the half shell and a bottle of Tabasco sauce? With the motto, “Play nice, or we’ll eat you alive”.
What about a sailboat ? With the motto, “Hang it over the side and watch what happens”, or “Sailing, not just for vomiting anymore”.
What about an osprey? I think an osprey sitting in one of their crazy pile of sticks nest, would be great. With the motto, “Drive safely, or we’ll target your windshield”.
What about a ferry with a ferryman with a whip - and the motto, “Keep in line and you’ll be fine”, sort of a “Don’t Tread on Me” message?
I suppose a line of Islanders exposing their hind ends towards the Hamptons with the motto, “Ha, ha, we’re better than you are” wouldn’t fly.
A pretty scallop shell would be very nice. With the motto, “Frankly scallop, we don’t give a clam how they do it in East Hampton” .
What about a mermaid? I love mermaids. But of course some crass person would come up with the motto, “We have the best tail”, but at least it wouldn’t be me who thought of it.
Although it would be fairly accurate, I suppose a seal with a man fishing, with a beer and a lab by his side wouldn’t be accepted. The motto might be, “Shelter Island, it don’t get better than this”.
There’s a artist who specializes in taking nude photos of huge groups of people in public spaces. All of the residents could get nude in front of Town Hall and for a group shot. It might sound unappealing at first, however, the town seal would then serve as a deterrent from more people moving here. They’d see that seal and think the whole town was crazy. It could clearly have advantages. The motto would be, “See yourself here”, or even crazier, the motto could be, “We’re in the nude for love”. That would scare away anyone.
How about a crab in a crab net for a seal? The motto is obvious, “We got crabs to share”. Another seal that doubles as a deterrent...

The list of potential ideas is endless. Maybe the town will have a contest, now that would be fun.