Ferries on Strike!

And so concludes another tourist season on Shelter Island. Things are slowing down and getting back to normal. The ferry lines have shrunk, the ferry crews are more relaxed and have time to talk to the passengers for a minute. When I see the aggravation they endure through the summer, it amazes me that no homicides occur. I’ve seen off islanders cut to the front of the lines on both the North and South Ferries, coming and going. I’ve seen drivers get out of their cars and argue with the staff. I’ve heard people cursing at them. I’ve seen angry drivers deliberately drive too close to the staff to scare them as they exit the ferry. Overall, people are nice, generally cooperative and patient on the ferry. But there’s always that percentage of impatient, entitled people, who fail to realize the power of the ferry crews. I mean, what if they got sick of it all?

“Bob, did you hear? I was just at Fedi’s. The ferry crews have taken the boats hostage. They nailed a list of demands on the Town Hall door.”
“Holy moley, Joe! What do they want?”
“They want a pay raise, plus combat pay during tourist season.”
“Everybody wants a pay raise...that’s not so extreme.”
“They want toilets on the boats.”
“They don’t have toilets on the boats?”
“Not all of them. Only the newer ones. You never noticed how the staff sometimes run to the offices?”
“I just never knew, Joe. I think that’s a reasonable demand though.”
“They want staff booths that are heated in the winter and air conditioned in the summer.”
”Again, what’s wrong with that?”
“I know, not too bad so far, but then they start walking the edge. The North Ferry wants a jacuzi and the South Ferry wants a wet bar.”
“Why a jacuzi?”
“It takes longer to cross on the North Ferry than the South, so they figure at least one crew member could take a break to relax in the jacuzi on the crossing.”
“Why do the South Ferry guys want a wet bar?”
“Cause they don’t have time to get relaxed in a jacuzi, they have to relax faster, and liquer is quicker. And maybe they’d sell the passenger in the car a beer.”
“Well, that’s a stretch. I don’t know if they’ll get that stuff through.”
“Both crews want microwave ovens on the boats.”
“What? They can’t have a nuker?”
“No, Bob, it interferes with the navigation system.”
“What’s to navigate? You can see the Sag Harbor and Greenport docks from Shelter Island.”
“Hey, don’t hit the messenger. But there’s one demand I do like. They want to have a mini casino in the walk-on passenger areas. Wouldn’t that be great? Play a few hands of poker on the way home. Your wife would never know.”
“Well, all in all, these demands aren’t completely unreasonable, Joe.....”
“Sound better everytime I hear them...”

Tie a Pink Ribbon around this...

My friend Alice and I, both in our fifties, went to the Breast Cancer Support event at Crescent Beach last week. Overall it was an excellent event and kudos to the planners. It’s easy to overlook the time and logistical planning required to pull off a successful event.

However, there were a few booths run by some local men that I think were a little suspect...

“Alice, what’s that tent over there? It says Free Shiatsu Breast Exams.”
“Never heard of it, must be a new kind of exam. What’s shiatsu?”
“I thought it was a massage technique, but maybe there’s a component that applies to breast health. A lot of women are getting in line for it.”
“I’ll go check it out, Sally.”
“Okay, I’ll get us some food and meet you back here.”

“Gee, Alice, you look so happy. How can you be happy after a breast exam? They always hurt me.”
“ I know, me too.”
“ They always flatten your breast until your nipple is about to pop off, and then the tech says, “Hold still,” while she steps behind the machine to hit the x-ray button. Where the hell does she think I’m going to go with my tit in a vice?”
“They don’t use vices with this new method. There’s two little areas separated by curtains. They have scented candles going. Both of the examiners are nice men. They never mentioned football or fishing. Had cleans hands and nails and smelled of Old Spice.”
“You said they’re local?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen them around in winter. Nice looking, our age too.”
“I think I’ll give this Shiatsu Boob Exam a try.”

“How was your exam, Sally?”
“Amazing! I took off my top. The guy didn’t flinch or gag. He searched every inch of my boobs for anything suspicious and I’m good to go.”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to be really sure. Maybe we should go again.”
”I was thinking the same thing, Alice. Can’t be too sure.”
“The line keeps getting longer. And all the women seem to be our age.”
“Who says older people are closed off to new ideas?”
“Yeah, and after we get another breast exam, we can go to the other new booth.”
“What other new booth?”
“The Nine Point Inspection booth.”
“Dare I ask what they inspect?”
“I don’t know, Sal, but they have a longer line than the Shiatsu booth. And after the inspection, all the women sit in lounge chairs behind the booth with a drink and a cigarette.”
“Well, I’ve never smoked or drank in my life, Alice, but I heard it’s never too late to start, and after this, lets go get pink ribbon tatoos.....”
“You always live on the edge, don’t you, Sally?”
“Tell me about it. I still put real butter on my toast......”