Tie a Pink Ribbon around this...

My friend Alice and I, both in our fifties, went to the Breast Cancer Support event at Crescent Beach last week. Overall it was an excellent event and kudos to the planners. It’s easy to overlook the time and logistical planning required to pull off a successful event.

However, there were a few booths run by some local men that I think were a little suspect...

“Alice, what’s that tent over there? It says Free Shiatsu Breast Exams.”
“Never heard of it, must be a new kind of exam. What’s shiatsu?”
“I thought it was a massage technique, but maybe there’s a component that applies to breast health. A lot of women are getting in line for it.”
“I’ll go check it out, Sally.”
“Okay, I’ll get us some food and meet you back here.”

“Gee, Alice, you look so happy. How can you be happy after a breast exam? They always hurt me.”
“ I know, me too.”
“ They always flatten your breast until your nipple is about to pop off, and then the tech says, “Hold still,” while she steps behind the machine to hit the x-ray button. Where the hell does she think I’m going to go with my tit in a vice?”
“They don’t use vices with this new method. There’s two little areas separated by curtains. They have scented candles going. Both of the examiners are nice men. They never mentioned football or fishing. Had cleans hands and nails and smelled of Old Spice.”
“You said they’re local?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen them around in winter. Nice looking, our age too.”
“I think I’ll give this Shiatsu Boob Exam a try.”

“How was your exam, Sally?”
“Amazing! I took off my top. The guy didn’t flinch or gag. He searched every inch of my boobs for anything suspicious and I’m good to go.”
“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to be really sure. Maybe we should go again.”
”I was thinking the same thing, Alice. Can’t be too sure.”
“The line keeps getting longer. And all the women seem to be our age.”
“Who says older people are closed off to new ideas?”
“Yeah, and after we get another breast exam, we can go to the other new booth.”
“What other new booth?”
“The Nine Point Inspection booth.”
“Dare I ask what they inspect?”
“I don’t know, Sal, but they have a longer line than the Shiatsu booth. And after the inspection, all the women sit in lounge chairs behind the booth with a drink and a cigarette.”
“Well, I’ve never smoked or drank in my life, Alice, but I heard it’s never too late to start, and after this, lets go get pink ribbon tatoos.....”
“You always live on the edge, don’t you, Sally?”
“Tell me about it. I still put real butter on my toast......”