Where’s My Purple Sweater?

Like many people my age, I’ve started to half joke, half worry, about getting Alzheimer’s Disease. Like the other day, I was looking for my purple sweater, just to kinda have it handy for chilly mornings. I never found it, but I ended up in totally different location before I realized I hadn’t found it. So, I’m reviewing my process to see where I went off the rails. Where’s my purple sweater? Let’s see, it was a Christmas gift. I was going to wear it around Easter, but I couldn’t find it at Easter. I must have packed it with the unwanted gifts I got last year that I plan to regift this year. So that means it’s in the back of the guest bedroom closet. I’m in the guest bedroom, wow, I haven’t seen this room in the morning light in awhile. The paint has really faded and I haven’t changed a thing in here in years. I saw something in the last Town & Country magazine that might work here. Where’s that magazine? In the basket next to my chair. I went to the chair in the living room and saw ants crawling all over my coffee cup. I thought I walked that to the kitchen last night, but obviously not, so I did that right away. Alright, now I’m in the kitchen and I might as well do the dishes and think about what’s for dinner. Okay, I’ve got a frozen chicken breast, I took that out and put it on the counter. I’ve got potatoes, I just need some veggies. I can zip to IGA this afternoon. I need toilet paper too, and something else, what was it.... I really need it. Well, it will come to me. I better start a little list. I need paper and pen. I can use the back of this LIPA envelop on the counter. Better open it first and take a peek - AAAGGHHHH! What!?! This can’t be right. I called LIPA right away and randomly pushed buttons and shouted, “I want to speak to a human!” into the phone and finally, a person came on. My last payment didn’t make it to this statement and something was averaged in to account for a recent sun flare, and the new carpeting in the downtown office, offset by the spikes in usage caused by people watching Dancing with the Stars and a surtax for living on Shelter Island. Why is there a surtax for living on the Island? Because the cables have to run underwater to get the electric here and the repairmen have to take a ferry every time they come here and why should other people on Long Island pay for ferry fees? And by the way, if I say, “f------g LIPA” one more time, there will be a “f---------g penalty for insubordination fee.” Now I need some coffee to calm down from that fiasco. Coffee filters! That’s the other thing I need. I can’t make coffee now...damn. I better go shopping this morning. Coffee filters, toilet paper, oh no... what was the first thing I needed? It will come to me. And Lysol spray. I noticed my phone is looking a little smudgy, so Lysol, TP, filters, and the other thing. I better get dressed. Where’s my good bra? The dryer - dryer sheets, I need dryer sheets! Okay, got the bra, clothes on, birks on. I’ll stop at Ace and get some paint samples for the guest bedroom. Why was I in the guest bedroom? Oh yea, I was going to redecorate it. Something I saw in Home & Garden. Where’s that magazine? In the car, I was reading it in the ferry line. Okay, now, I’m parked at that IGA. Where’s my list? Did I make a list? Well, I’ll have to go on memory. What do I need? Milk, eggs, bread, I always need that. What else? It’ll come to me when I see it in the store. And yarn. I have to stop and get yarn so I can knit a simple sweater for fall. I think she has purple yarn at the video store, I love purple. I’m so glad I was blessed with a mind for organization and details. Everybody else my age is losing theirs....