Father's Day Gifts

(painting by Sue McDonagh)

Father’s Day

We hear so much about mothers and their importance in our lives, we tend to dismiss the incredible positive influence that a good father or father figure plays in our lives. My stern Irish grandfather was my father figure, along with four uncles, and in spite of the scandals that have come up lately, our parish priest, was a father figure to us too. We attended St Lawrence in Sayville - the old church that burned down. Father Daum was well known to all of us and a visitor in our clan’s homes. I recall with perfect clarity being nine years old, standing in the living room, after a very traumatic event. Father Nuss was there. He gave my mother an envelope from the church and took an additional $20 from his own wallet - that was a lot of money then. He called my grandfather, because my mother was too upset. Grandpop came over and together these two fathers sat in the kitchen and made a plan for us that made all our lives better from that day forward.

Yes, fathers don’t always ask your opinion, they don’t always take your feelings into account, they just won’t allow you to get too far from the well - and would you have it any other way, really? Because when you’re stuck in the muck, Mom will bring you tea and sympathy, but Dad will bring a truck with a winch.

Here’s a list of gifts kids can give Dads everywhere...

A day with no arguing. No voices raised. Play HIS music loud and admit it is better than your (c)rappy music!

A day where you get up and mow the lawn and even do the edging, without being asked, cajoled, or threatened.

A day where the garage gets cleaned and everything gets labeled and put in it’s place.

A day without sarcastic comebacks or profanity. A day of normal, pleasant conversation. I know it will kill you, but he’ll never forget it... Twenty years from now, he’ll be saying, “Remember that day when Johnny talked nice the whole day? Who’d have known he had it in him?”

A day when his vehicle gets cleaned out, washed, hand waxed and detailed.

A day when you don’t do anything to upset your mother.

A day where you barbecue for the family according to HIS standards. Might as well get used to them now, because his standards will be yours sooner than you know....

A day of boating, fishing, or clamming, with the old man. With no arguing and no catching more than he does.

A day where you let him teach you something, without claiming you already know how to do it perfectly - you don’t! It’s hard to comprehend that now, because by age 18 you know more than you will ever know again in your life. As time goes on, you’ll see an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.

A day when the phrases, “That was my fault, I’m sorry” and “Thank you” are spoken spontaneously to all members of the family!

A day where you talk to your paternal grandparents on the phone for as long as they want to talk to you without signaling to other family members to scream, “FIRE!” so you have an excuse to get off the phone.

If your Dad’s religious, go to services with him and don’t look bored. If he plays golf, play with him and believe everything he says. If your eyes see a slice and his eyes do not, believe his eyes. If he sails, go sailing, but don’t tell him what canvas to put up, and after the sail, coil all the ropes without complaint.

You abuse him for 364 days a year and he takes it on the chin. On Father’s Day, just let him have one day where he’s right the whole day! Don’t worry about sacrifing your standards, you can aggravate him twice as much the next day to get caught up.