NEW YEAR...NEW LINGO..

You Said It!

Language is a very organic entity. We need excellent command of it to be successful. Language changes constantly as outmoded words are abandoned and newly defined words enter the lexicon. I’m starting the New Year with some winners gathered from multiple internet sources, including the Washington Post and some dusty corners of my brain.

1. Cashtration:
The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Intaxification:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
3. Technosnob:
A technology snob who loads his conversation with techno terms that only Bill Gates can understand.
4. Technobobs:
Technosnobs on a skewer slowly turning over an open fire.
5. Bozone:
The immediate area surrounding stupid people that blocks all intelligent input; see also: Bush, George W.
6. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you’re intoxicated.
7. Blackhold:
People whose presence in a room causes the lights to dim because they are so dense, not even light can escape.
8. Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an a--.
9. Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the specific purpose of getting some action.
10. Glibido:
All talk and no action.
11. Sarchasm:
The gulf between the writer of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. My mother always worries my double entendre jokes may often some people. I never worry about these people, because they are in the sarchasm.
12. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously to as a means of remaining conscious at work. Every employee of Dan’s inoculattes every Tuesday night before the paper goes to press.
13. Decafalon:
The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Coffee:
The person upon whom one coughs.
15. Hipatitis:
Terminal coolness.
16. Hampititus:
Being terminally cool in the Hamptons.
17. Osteopornosis:
A degenerates degenerate disease. 
18. Karmageddon:
Making a huge mistake that you know will come back and destroy something.
19. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly, often the result of karmageddon.
20. Caterpallor:
The color you turn after finding half a bug in your food.
21. Flabberaghasted
Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
22. Ab-dicate
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
23. Explanibriation
To attempt an explanation while drunk.
24. Lymph
To walk with a lisp.
25. Flatulance
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
26. Balderdash
A rapidly receding hairline.
27. Pokemon
A Rastafarian proctologist.
28. Oyster
Another word for a New Yorker, easily identified because he sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish-isms (nu?).
29. Husbian:
The masculine half of a lesbian couple.
30. Whiff:
Someone who constantly splits hairs by asking, “What if...”.
31. Swift:
Someone who smacks Whiffs.
32. Terrorgram:
Someone who terrorizes the English language with appallingly bad grammar. Like Dr Phil, who consistently says, “I feel badly about that...” Note to Dr. Phil: You wouldn’t say, “ I feel sadly,” or “I feel gladly,”, so you DON’T say, “I feel badly...”. You “feel bad” - and you should.