Coffee - Black or Light?

Black or Light?

I was never much of a coffee drinker growing up. I was a tea drinker until I had my first child. Getting up to feed her two and three times a night and still work full time for an unreasonable boss who demanded conscious employees, drove me to drinking coffee. As time went on, like most, I needed that morning kick to get started.

You wouldn’t think that coffee could become an issue of contention in a marriage. But those who have lived long enough know that ANYTHING can become an “issue” in a marriage. I know a couple who fought over which end of the tub you should step into with the shower running. He stepped into the showerhead side and she would step into the other end and walk into the shower spray, which drove him crazy. Why? No reason, that was just one of his pecadilloes. For me, it’s reading over my shoulder. I can’t explain or justify it, but nothing will incite me to homicidal thoughts faster than someone reading over my shoulder. My ex thought that was unreasonable, so he read over my shoulder whenever he could to help “break” me from my issue with it. I made a case to respect each other’s idiosyncratic behaviors, but what a fool am I, men don’t have any idiosyncratic behaviors, everything they do is logical for those with eyes to see.

I like any kind of fresh coffee, light and sweet. I don’t care about the brand, or how it was prepared. I just need it to be in a cup with sweetener and creamer.

My ex was a pain in the ass coffee cononseur. He used the Chemex coffee system. We purchased whole fresh beans which were kept in the freezer. When you wanted coffee, you put a kettle of water on to boil, then you got the beans from the freezer, ground them in the tiny grinder, stopping twice to lift the lid and stir the beans so you got a perfectly even grind. Once the water reached boiling, you take it off the burner and let it cool for exactly two minutes so that it is at the optimal brewing temperature. While the water is cooling, fold the filter correctly and put it in the top of the Chemex all glass “V” shaped pot. Put in the coffee and a small amount of water, just enough to wet the grinds. Now pour in the hot water s-l-o-w-l-y to facilitate a slow drip. Do all this while you have a toddler wrapped around one leg and you are holding a baby in one arm. If you had some caffeine in your system, you could make an argument for a normal coffeepot and even ignore his threats to throw out any Mr. Coffee you bring home. He was a purist, it was perfect coffee or no coffee.

My ex drank his coffee black, because he said, that’s the only way coffee should be drunk. My mother drinks hers with a half teaspoon of milk and a quarter packet of any artificial sweetener. When either of them fixed me a coffee, it was as nearly black as it could be without actually being black. Just a teaspoon of milk and half packet of sweetener, because I couldn’t possibly want it any lighter or sweeter, could I? Somehow that would defy all the laws of coffee drinking, it wouldn’t taste like burnt acid with all that creamer and sweetner in it, it might taste very nice with some outside help from Coffeemate, well, we can’t have that. The people who take coffee black or close to it, willl just never understand those of us who prefer it light and sweet I guess.

Recently, a friend offered to get me a coffee to go from a deli. “How do you like it?” she asked.
“Light and sweet. Put in 2 packets of sweetner and 25% of whatever they have for creamer. It should look like chocolate milk when you’re through with it,” I responded. I thought my instructions were fairly clear.
She brought me my coffee and I thanked her. Popping off the plastic top, I saw nearly black coffee.
“Is it too dark?” she asked. “I take mine black. I didn’t think you’d want all that creamer in there.”
“No. This is fine,” I said, once more reisgned to my fate that only another Lite & Sweet person knows what light and sweet means.