I have been a big Sandra Bullock fan for years. Ever since she did The Net. It was one of the first films where the heroine didn’t need rescuing because she outsmarted her nemesis herself. No rescue from Prince Charming needed. I loved it.
Now, while she probably hasn’t even landed from her Oscar win high, she is slammed to the depths by the person she loved and lauded on every talk show since she married him. Jesse James. We all thought he was a stand up guy. Tattooed and intense, espousing to be a reformed alcoholic, he won us all over with what appeared to be unshakable integrity. And now, with his recent admission of an affair with a woman who is so tattooed, she even has a tattoo on her forehead, he rends his carefully crafted “bad boy gone good man” in twain. He’s like Peter Cook, the moron who cheated on Christie Brinkley. I guess for Sandra, like dear Christie, it’s not enough to be beautiful, have a flawless figure, be a millionaress, be on the A-list, and the capper, be by all accounts, a genuinely decent and moral person. I can only imagine the pain Sandra is feeling today. After praising him in her acceptance speech, today she must feel a ton of humiliation on top of the hurt.
What does a woman have to do to be enough for a man? I asked myself that, but then it occurred to me, that’s the wrong perspective. I think we should ask why can’t a man realize when good is good enough? More isn’t always better and more will get you in trouble.
What’s wrong? She doesn’t look like the girl you married? How close do you look to the guy she married? Did you allow you body to be stretched and ravaged by pregnancy with rotten kids that now only want money and car keys?
What’s wrong? She doesn’t cook gourmet? Why is that? She couldn’t find the time to study gourmet cooking between working full time, wrangling kids, school obligations, making sure your bait was thawed by morning, and doing all the household chores?
What’s wrong? She’s not a freak in the bedroom? Did you shower before you got in bed? When was the last time you saw a dentist? Were you considerate all day today, or did you just start being nice at 9 PM? Do you still think she’s turned on by a disgusting porn tape, or have you finally realized she’s just pretending for your sake? How about you make her a scented hot bath and pretend it’s a turn on for you?
What’s wrong? She doesn’t make enough money so you can pay all the bills and get all the toys? Apparently no woman can make enough money for a man. If Christie and Sandra can’t do it, none of us can.
What’s wrong? She doesn’t get along with your mother? YOU don’t get along with your mother. You’ve just put it on your wife to the buffer, meaning whipping boy, between you and your mother. When your Mom calls, do you signal your wife to give you the phone or wave her off and dive for the nearest exit because you don’t want to listen to your mother ask you questions that always lead to her giving you advice that you know you should follow and know you won’t.
What’s wrong? She left you “for no good reason, I didn’t do anything”. And that’s the problem in a nutshell, you didn’t do anything. I think good marriages, straight or gay, happen when you both realize that you can find a hundred people with qualities you like, the trick is finding a partner with bad qualities you can stand. Instead of wanting more, choose what you have, unless the issues are major, like addiction or similar, work to stay together. Somewhere I heard a great saying; “there’s no perfect fit in an off the rack world.”
Good luck Sandra Bullock. I’m holding a good thought for you. You have a lot of women in your corner. And as far as Jesse the Jerk is concerned, the Italians in my neighborhood have a succinct saying, "Fuck'em where they breathe...."
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