The Cat Days of July

The Dog Days of August aren’t even here and the thermometer is already getting too close to that dreaded third digit....the unthinkable concept of 100 degree heat with 98% humidity, so I have decided that all days over 95 degrees in July shall be known as the Cat Days of July. The Cat Days of July will not only be as bad as the Dog Days of August, but worse because there’ll be no cooling September to look forward to, no hint of promise of October weather to come. Just days of sweltering heat that cause the core body temperature to rise and the brain stem to heat up and fill the brain with thoughts that under any other circumstances would be rejected by your normal logical self, but in the Cat Days of July and the Dog Days of August, almost anything can make perfect sense.

“Honey, I was thinking, if we skip the new roof, we can get a boat this summer and get out in the bay breezes and not be locked in the house running the air conditioner all day. What do you think, Betty?”
“A new boat. You’ve been wanting a new boat. I know I’ve been saying no, but it’s too hot to remember why I said no. Are you sure it was just because I wanted a new roof since the ceiling plaster in the kitchen has more rings than a redwood tree?”
“Yeah, I think so. It’s too hot to remember all your objections, after a while your arguments against me just sort of blur together into one big homicidal rage.”
“I’m too hot to recall all the reasons I should kill or divorce you either. Tell me more about the boat, will it have a cabin? I want a cabin that sleeps two so we can anchor out at night and not get eaten up by mosquitoes. I don’t want one that sleeps four or the kids will try to come with us.”
“Cabin? We can have a cabin if we crack into the kid’s college funds. They don’t really need them. We worked our way through school, it would be good for their character if they had to work like we did.”
“Yes, it would, wouldn’t it, Joe? I’m sick of them hammering at me constantly to take them off Island because they’re bored every day want to do something like shop at the mall or go to a movie. Yeah, let them work through college and buy their own cars to get off Island. Why should we waste a ferry ticket on seeing Avatar for the third time? We like living on Island exactly because there’s no, ah, no...”
“Nothing to do, no nothing to create traffic, no entertainment, no big stores, no drive thru anything. It’s still like it always was. Except that we can have boat and escape all the things that aren’t here to do.”
“That make’s perfect sense, Joe. Let’s go to the bank now. I’ll keep the car running with the A/C on and drop you off at the door. Signal from the window when you’re ready for pickup and I’ll pull up to the step and get you.”
“We can get a boat, really?”
“Yes, but let’s hurry before I remember why I said no. I don’t want to say no about anything ever again, it’s too hot to fight.”
“I’m calling Jack now. He’ll give me a good price on his cruiser and we can be on the water, under a canopy by noon. I love you, Betty.”
“I don’t have the energy to pack lunch, we’ll grab what we need at the store.”
“Anything you say, honey.”
“Let’s go, Joe, it’s 9 AM and 82 degrees already, and there’s a sauna in my pants.”