Child Rearing Tips

Recently, I think it was in Good Housekeeping Magazine, there was an article about how annoying mothers find it when strangers volunteer parenting advice. I know what that’s like. I used to get all kinds of annoying parental advice.

“You shouldn’t leave your child in the car while you go in the IGA, lady!”
If they had paid attention, they would have seen that I had the window cracked and they each had a little bottle of water.

“You shouldn’t put your kids in the trunk just to save an extra two bucks on the ferry!”
Yes, but little did they know I was planning to spend those two extra dollars on the children themselves, why? Because no sacrifice is too much to ask for my children.

Or the ferryman who used to say, “Pop the trunk, Ms. Flynn, we know you have the kids in there.”
“Yes, but they each have a little bottle of water...”

There was time I made a quick stop for some essentials.
“Ma’am, I don’t think it’s legal to duct tape your child in his stroller.”
“Listen Mister, you don’t know this kid - he’s a real escape artist! If I don’t tape him in, he gets loose and tries to run with the stroller strapped to his back!”
“Because he’s too big to be in a stroller! How old is he? Four?”
“Four and a half.”
“Four and half? Then why is he still in a stroller?”
“To slow him down so I can catch him, you fool! It takes me a minute or two to pay for my drink, get my purse and get out of The Dory once I see him through the front window making his big move. I always catch him within a block, so there’s no harm done.”

Or when I took the kids fishing off the dock.
“Lady, your kid’s eating out of your bait cup!”
“Relax, it’s fresh bait, I just picked it up an hour ago.” Imagine thinking I’d let my kid eat old bait, what kind of mother would do that?

Or when I’d be treading clams for dinner and hear someone yell, “Why is your child tied to an anchor on the beach? He’s eating sand!”
“I can’t bring him out here with me, he tips the basket!”
“Then take him home!”
“You take him home. I’ll give you half my basket,” I yell back. But they never take me up on my offer. I don’t know what they worry about. I always used a round anchor, not a pointy one, that would be dangerous. And I could see the kid the whole time, so what was the problem?”

I never understood what all the fuss was about. There’s lots of ways to raise good kids. Both of my kids are young adults now. And you know what? Neither of them has any problem climbing into the trunk when we get on the ferry.