Okay, so this girl gets cold feet and takes a bus ACROSS THE COUNTRY to escape her wedding. Her boyfriend goes on the news and says he forgives her and will still marry her. Geez... you’d think he’d get the hint..
We all know the courtship initiation dance. You notice each other. You make excuses to accidentally bump into each other. Women spend hours selecting the right outfit, doing hair and make-up, all in preparation for that critical accidental meeting. He suggests coffee, which comes out of his mouth as, “Uh... you wanna have coffee sometime?” But which registers in a woman’s mind as, “GAME ON!!!”
But something we never quite get organized is an exit strategy. We always hope we won’t need one, but usually we do. It always amazes me how long our body and mind gives us hints before our soul believes it.
The honeymoon phase, the first three months, feels so great it addicts us for life to try to get that feeling back. We all know the honeymoon phase will end and we all hope that the residual feelings will be good enough to continue to float the relationship. Sometimes they are and we can grow that into love and marriage.
Usually, the residual feelings aren’t good enough to keep us going, but it takes us awhile to realize it. I don’t know what men notice, but women start to notice small things first. One day, all of a sudden, the smell of stale beer being poured out in the sink disgusts you. Dumping out full ashtrays angers you. The sound of multiple belts slapping against his closet door and waking you in the morning sounds like a freight train roaring by the bed. His dragon breath morning kiss which was tolerable and almost endearing two months ago is now so awful you’ll get up before him and make coffee.
Little resentments add up, but you keep excusing them away until the three deadly signs show up. The three signs sent by the woman’s brain tell her soul, “Do what you want, but we are outta here!”. First, you start to avoid his calls and you feel annoyed that he’s calling again. Second, you can’t deny that you feel relieved to be alone, either in his place or yours. When he finally leaves the house, you feel a wave of pressure release. Now, women can ignore these two final warnings for a little while, but then the third and final ‘killer diller’ happens... you get that deep internal shudder of repulsion with it’s dash of nausea, through your whole body when he kisses you. You can have sex and escape it, but somehow an intimate kiss is such a direct connect you couldn’t fake it anymore even if you wanted to. The first time it happens, you know in that instant, it’s over and ain’t nuthin’ to do about it. So now, you have to find the exit...
Terminating a relationship is like taking a Band-Aid off his hairy arm. You can do it fast or slow, either way, he’s going to get hurt to some extent.
Some women take what I call the Path of the Bitch. This is when you turn into a bad girlfriend to drive him away. It always works, but it can take months to drive off a guy because you’re still sleeping with him and cooking for him because you feel guilty about wanting to leave. Men will tolerate anything if they’re getting sex and food. The Path of the Bitch ends when you stop giving him food and sex at which point he says, “Is something wrong?” By now, all your feelings for him are gone and you just pack and run.
Then there’s the Path of the Nice Girl. This is when you kindly enumerate for him all the reasons why things aren’t working out. He swears to change and you agree to stay in the relationship while he changes. Meanwhile, you expose him to every female you can in the hope he will leave you for her. Of course he’s still getting food and sex, so you can be sure nothing will change. Nice Girls often slide out of one relationship by starting another, even with a less desirable guy.
Ultimately, there’s the Path of Paul. You see, Paul Simon, said it best in his song, “There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover”. Download this song, write down all the methods listed. Any one of them is perfect ! ”Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. ... Hop on the bus, Gus. You don’t need to discuss much... Just drop off the key, Lee... and get yourself free....”
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