GODZILLA vs. Bambi
In the "What were they thinking?" catagory.... A small group of idiots on two little speed boats decided they could commandeer a giant cruise liner, the Seabourn Spirit. They were probably thinking David and Goliath... I'm thinkin'...Bambi meets Godzilla....
Two weeks ago, somewhere in a cafe in Somalia....
“I KNOW we can pull it off, Jama. David took Goliath, we’ll take the cruise ship and be famous! We got two fast boats, AK-47 machine guns, and a grenade launcher....I got my cousins. We’ll be like Rambo. There must be thousands of dollars worth of money and jewelry from the passengers and then we’ll sell the ship to the highest bidder.”
“Yes Dido, but people will know she’s a stolen ship.”
“We will put new decals on the back, fool.”
“But she is big, Jama. The Seabourn Spirit is 440 feet long and 63 feet wide. 10,000 tons. Our boats are only 25 feet long...”
“But Dido... but we will have the element of surprise!”
"Yes... like the mouse who scares the elephant..."
"Yes Dido... we shall be the elephant of surprise..."
"The elephant of surprise... yes, that would be more surprising than an element....I like it, Jama."
Saturday, Nov 5 05:30 AM
“Captain, there’s two boats approaching us. They’re waving machine guns! And they have some kind of a rocket launcher too!”
“Okay Jim, order all the passengers into the center of the ship. Give me the bull horn.”
The Captain at the railing to the boats below, “Hi there! Good Morning! What are you guys doing?”
“We are pirates! You are surrounded! We are taking over your ship! Stop your ship now and throw down a rope so we can board and take you prisoner!”
“You sure you want a rope? I think we have a nice ladder...”
“This is not a joke you fool! Our guns and grenade launcher are pointed straight at your ship and we will not hesitate to shoot if our demands aren’t met!”
“So you plan to attack and overpower the ship with those weapons? All nine of you? Well, I hope you brought lunch and flashlights.”
“What are you talking about, fool? Why do we need lunch and flashlights?”
“Because it’s gonna take you all day and all night to attack this ship!”
“Dido! Shoot the grenade at them!”
(explosion heard as a grenade hits the side of the ship)
“You see Captain, we are serious. Now surrender and we will not harm the passengers.”
“You took out half a room. We got 208 rooms on this ship, how many grenades you got? You know our lifeboats are bigger than the boats you’re in....(laughing) Okay listen, we’ll surrender. Let me bring the ship closer so you can take us over. Stay right there. (turning to his First Officer) Okay Joe, take us in closer!”
“STOP! STOP! What are you doing, dog? You’re going to ram us!!!”
“We can’t steer, the ships too big.... you’d better move!”
“This is your last warning! We are smaller and can fly around you like a bee! We can do 30 knots (about 35 mph)!”
“For how long?”
“WHAT?”
“I said for how long, scooter?”
“What does it matter how long? Throw down your ropes! Prepare to be boarded!”
“We can only do 20 knots (about 24 mph), but we can do it for three weeks....how bout you boys? Brought enough petrol? You’re already more than a hundred miles off shore...how far do you think you can go?”
“Enough of your foolishness! OPEN FIRE!” (machine guns spray the ship)
(the captain shouting down through the bull horn) “Uh oh! You chipped our paint! We’d better run for cover! (turning to his First Officer) Okay Joe! Open her up full throttle, head for the open sea! Let’s see how fast they can go in the big chop....”
“Turn your ship around, dog! We will criss cross in front of your bow!”
“I don’t think so, scooter...”
Saturday, Nov 5 06:30 AM, heard over the loud speaker in the Dining Hall.
“This is your Captain speaking. Our pirates turned back for shore at 06:12 AM.
I understand that congratulations are in order for Mr. Harry Felder of Colorado for winning the pool on the exact time the pirates would head back (applause in the dining hall).
We apologize to the Wrights whose room was ruined by the grenade and we will be offering them a complete new wardrobe from the ship’s stores plus a free cruise.
We apologize for any inconvenience anyone suffered as a result of this event and are happy to announce that everything can go on as scheduled. There will be a tour of the grenaded room at 16:00 hours. Thank you.”
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