Cyclone Larry

AP: Mon., March 20, 2006 SYDNEY, Australia -- The worst storm to hit Australia in decades, Cyclone Larry - a category five storm ... mowing down sugar and banana crops and leaving thousands of people homeless ... the airport was cleared to house thousands of people in tents. ... Snakes and Crocodiles Alerts; ... volunteers to help with the cleanup, were warned to be on their guard for deadly animals stirred up by the storm, AP reports. "Keep your kids away from flooded drains, be aware of snakes and crocodiles,".. "Those guys will have had a bad night too."

A Hurricane, a Typhoon and Cyclone are all the same kind of storm, just in different locations; hurricanes in the Atlantic, typhoons in the Pacific and cyclones in the southern hemisphere for Australia. Australia, of course, has to be different, so their storms spin clockwise. They reverse their seasons, drive on the wrong side of the road, speak english with the thickest accent they could possibly develop, they just go out of their way to be different than the rest of the world. We have normal names for our hurricanes; Alice, Louise, Nathan; they have stupid names for their storms; Larry, Dick, Bud....BUD? YES! They had Cyclone Bud! It was only a category two, so they called it - what else? Bud-lite!

Australians visit Shelter Island all summer. The Hamptons won’t let them in because they’re too redneck, so they all have to come here for their east coast experience.

I ran into a big clutch of them last summer at Wades Beach. They were talking loud, but I hardly understood a word. I was worried because they were drinking, (yes, it’s true) and I was sure somebody was going to drive on the wrong side of the road. So I stayed and monitored them for as long as I could. They lured me to their picnic with a plate of shrimp. I only ate the shrimp to be polite and to give me an excuse to get in close and find out what they might be up to. They were planning a trip to Las Vegas and trying to determine what ‘territory’ it was in. I told them it was in Indian territory, so they’d better be armed. A couple of the men were wearing calvary style straw hats with one side up, so I told them they could lead the charge since they already had the hats. Someone said something to which there was much laughter, if I had my Australian to English Dictionary with me, I’ve have gotten the joke. What I did discover, when they threw their heads back to laugh, is that there are no orthodontists in Australia, so if anyone wants to corner a market, I think there’s one waiting in the outback.

We got into a conversation about deer and they asked me what predators we had here for population control. I said just guns and cars. They were very excited that there was hunting on the island and I suddenly realized I’d said the wrong thing. So if anyone on the Island thinks they had a dream last August of Australians hunting among their hydrangeas, I apologize. They advised me that one wolf pack could take control our deer population. I promised to pass that along to our Town Board. I’m sure Wolf Pack Importation would go over really good on the agenda.

I pointed out that wolves present their own danger and might eat children. No one seemed alarmed, one man said, “Maybe a few.” Like that was an acceptable loss. But now I know how stupid I was to discuss dangerous predators with people who just advised the Cyclone Larry victims to "Keep your kids away from flooded drains, be aware of snakes and crocodiles,".. "Those guys will have had a bad night too.". Are they kidding?

“What ‘appened to yer little boy Johnny, Mavis?”
“Ow, lost ‘im to croc after Larry, we did. ‘e was standin’ too close to a flooded ditch and I yells out to ‘im, “Johnny, watch for crocs!” But ‘e didn’t ‘ear me.”
“I’m sorry Mavis.”
“Well, we ‘ave ‘is twin. So it’s just like ‘e’s ‘ere, except I don’t have to buy in doubles no more. So it all worked out in the end you might say.”
“Well, all’s well that ends well, cheerio!”

I don’t know if it’s all the sun, something in the kangaroo meat, the isolation from the rest of the world, or what, but Australians have a very different comprehension of ‘normal’ compared to the rest of the world. Just be prepared in case you need to fend them off this summer... I found the best thing is to tell them that beer in the Hamptons is half the price of Shelter Island’s, since ours is all imported...