Greenport, NY Tourist Trap

Fish or cut bait

Whaling was a noble and necessary industry for centuries. It would still be today without the discovery of oil in the ground. Whaling provided lamp and heating oil, corset struts, perfume essence, ivory, and myriad other products. We butcher, eat and wear cattle and pigs and think nothing of it, but now whales are sacred cows. Greenport and Sag Harbor, New York, were famous whaling ports, but it looks to me like Greenport is a little embarrassed about its whaling past. But why?

Every time I take the ferry and look at Greenport, it gets a little more kitschy and a little less whaley. First they got rid of their only tall ship, the beautiful Regina Maris. A great symbol of the town, it could be seen from almost any point along the wharf or channel. Too whaley, it had to go. Then they installed this tourist trap glitzy carousel to give the place an amusement park atmosphere. What schlock! They spiffed up the area around it and that’s nice. Then they replanked the long fishing dock and that was great, until they went too far...

The fishing dock has these dunce cap white cones on the top of each mooring post, all the same height. Looks like a work by Christo, or a long row of white Hershey’s Kisses. I know why they did it.... to keep the seagulls from standing on the posts. The gulls can’t land on the cones. I guess the gulls had to go because they go with the whole whaling theme, ergo they-go.

It was always nice to come across on the ferry and see one seagull perched atop each post. Twenty or thirty in a row. All watching the ferry, thinking about where they can find French fries today, where should they have their taxes done, and all the other things seagulls think about while watching ferries. Now instead of a line of bird brains, I see a line of cone heads.
The cones have to go.

Mooring posts aren’t just for seagull perching, they are also essential for fishing. You cut bait on the top of the post. You jam your bait knife in the post so you know where it is. You stick hooks into the top so they don’t fall on the deck and get in somebody’s foot. The top of the post can hold two or three beers, or one sandwich and a coffee. When the top of the post splits a little, it increases the surface area and you can put a little cooler there.

But don’t the seagulls try to eat the bait and steal your sandwich? Absolutely! Battling seagulls for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is one of the first skills developed by shore line kids. It’s a developmental marker like learning to walk or talk. Even the smallest child quickly — and intuitively — learns how to wave his arms to protect his Oreo’s!

Bait Theft Prevention is a native skill for everyone who has ever dropped a line off a dock. The gulls circle and wait for any opening to get that bait! It adds to the challenge of dock fishing. A dock fisherman can catch the critters below the sea while fending off attackers from the sky! It’s all part of the thrill of the hunt!

But don’t the gulls poop on the dock? Of course they do. But fishermen love the smell of salty air and gull poop on the deck. Smells like....victory.

Maybe Greenport could uncap half of the posts as a compromise. Then, the tourists could have their pictures taken by the pointy cones that match their pointy heads and the fisherman could still enjoy fishing and cutting bait atop the posts.

It’s heart warming to see guys fishing off the dock in summer. People on the ferry wave to them and they wave back. Every one of them used the post for something. Now.... when they fish, the bait they cut will slide off the side of the cone. Their sandwiches will slide off and be eaten by gulls that can swoop faster than a man can catch. They’ll all kick their coffee over because it’s on the deck and not a post.

And there the fishermen will stand.... coffeeless, starving, baitless, with hooks in their feet, surrounded by an army of giant white kisses, looking lost and bewildered. The people on the ferry will point and laugh. Only the gulls will understand. Because the gulls know, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And in a rare alliance of nature, gull and man will stand side by side as man gets out a screwdriver and pries off the killer kones of kitsch...