What’s good for the goose is good for the gator...
“Bradenton woman shoots alligator: Tampa Bay's 10 News 5/16/2006
The alligator was only four feet long, but a Bradenton woman says she wasn't taking any chances. When the reptile came into the lanai of her home Saturday and attacked her golden retriever, Candy Frey went and got her gun. After Frey and her daughter managed to push the gator out of the lanai through the dog door, she blasted away at it four times. ..
Frey says the alligator barely bled from gunshots to its neck and shoulder. The wildlife officer put it back in the lake. Frey was given a warning citation for hunting without a license.”
“You’re writing me up??? Are you insane? The alligator was in my house! Threatening my child!”
“It’s illegal to hunt gator in Florida, don’t matter where they are ma’am.”
“I wasn’t “hunting gator” on my front porch! He was coming towards us and snapping his jaws!”
“Why didn’t you just jump behind him and pull him out by the tail? It would have been safer.”
“Oh, let’s see.... because he could swing around and clamp onto my arm?”
“Not if you’re fast ma’am.”
“You’re right... what was I thinking? It must be my fault! My "gator management" skills just aren’t up to speed. I missed the ‘Wrestling Reptiles’ part of my Welcome to Florida life skills classes.”
“There you go ma’am. See how easy that was? A little education could have helped this whole thing. This little feller wasn’t trying to hurt you. He was wantin’ yer dog. You was safe the whole time.”
The lady in Florida calls her friend Sally, on Shelter Island....
“He gave you a ticket for hunting alligator in your house?”
“Yes! I’m going to fight it. These people are crazy.”
“If you killed it, can you keep it and make a nice bag?”
“Oh...I never thought of that...silver lining in every cloud.”
“How’d it get in?”
“Through the dog door.”
“Through the doggy door... really.... that gives me an idea.....”
A police car pulls up in my yard.
“Ms Flynn, the bluefish did not come in through your cat door...”
“Yes they did ! All of them! Look at them, they’re huge! They were surrounding me to attack. That's how they attack you know... in schools....”
“Ms Flynn, the bluefish did not come in through the cat door. It’s not bluefish season yet. Now how did you get eight big bluefish?”
“Listen, an alligator in Florida just attacked my friend in her house and alligators live in the water too, so being from the water does not prevent them from attacking land mammals, like me.”
“And how did they get gutted and cleaned?”
“It was an act of self defense.”
“And the grill is going in the back yard because?”
“Okay, you got me there. I was tampering with the evidence.”
“Tampering.....or destroying?”
“Just tampering. I’d never destroy evidence.”
“So what’s the tartar sauce for... in the quart size?”
“It’s bluefish repellent. As soon as they came in, I grabbed it and started smearing it on the floor in a circle around me.”
“And the basil, oregano and lemon juice?”
“I confess. The repellent didn’t work. I had to kill them. I was afraid someone would get the wrong idea, like I enticed them in, so I was going to sprinkle lemon juice around the yard to throw the dogs off the scent of the fish.”
“You really need professional help Ms Flynn. We’ll have to take the bluefish in for evidence. We’ll need the tartar sauce and lemon juice too.”
“Hey, wait a minute.....”
“You have a problem with that Ms Flynn?”
“Ah.... no.... no... of course not....I guess you want the white wine too?”
“Oh yeah.... we’d better take that....best to be on the safe side.”
“Napkins? Forks? Place cards?”
”No, we have all that at the station.”
“Right....from the other fish poachers.”
“Naturally.”
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