There Must Be Fifty Ways to Watch the Stupor Bowl...
I don’t watch footbal because all I see is a bunch of millionaires in shiny pants running around a field. However, I do love the Stupor Bowl.
While your football fan partner is sitting in front of the TV with eyes glazed, grazing happily on BBQ and snacks, you can accomplish a lot.
Been wanting to get out of this relationship with all your stuff and not a big hassle? Rent a U-Haul, dress in sweats and tell you’re cleaning out the back bedroom. Pass your stuff out the bedroom window to whomever is helping you and you can pull can make a clean getaway by the end of the third quarter. Matter of fact, once you’re all packed, tell him you’re making a beer run and you need some money, and poof - you’re gone.
Have you longed to have a friend he hates over for a visit? Invite her during the Stupor Bowl. He’ll be in the living room all day for the pre-game, game, post game analysis, that’s twelve hours at least. You can have any friend in you like. He won’t care as long as nobody passes in front of the TV or asks any questions.
I once painted our bedroom and redecorated the whole room while himself watched the game. Afterward, he protested vehemently, so I just said, “Fine, put it back the way it was. All the old stuff is out in the garage.” Given a choice of repainting a room, dragging old furniture back in the house, taking off new bedding and putting on the old, OR complaining for a week then living with the new decor, all men will choose the latter. Somewhere it is written: Tis easier to complain than reclaim.
I have also used the Stupor Bowl to quickly and easily integrate new dishes or kitchen gadgets into the house. New plates appear, and when - IF - he notices them, you just say, “Oh, so and so gave them to us for our wedding. I just didn’t break them out till today. I was ready for a change.” Men never know what you got for a wedding gift or from whom, so you can use the excuse over and over for years. You can sneak in new food processors, new coffemakers, just anything that goes in a kitchen, it’s terrific and a real time saver. No need to listen to hours of him telling you, “We don’t need it.” Of course you need it. It was on sale, it’s better than the one you have, and besides, you love the color, ergo, you need it.
The Stupor Bowl is perfect for getting rid of the clothes he A} No longer can fit into but insists he can B} clothes that went out of fashion after high school but he refuses to believe that the definition of “cool” has evolved beyond him C} clothes his mother gave him that look awful but he refuses to acknowledge that not everything he owns looks fantastic on him.
If you have a daughter, this is where you teach her how to use the different sports events; Stupor Bowl, Basketball playoffs, all the other contests that declares winners, to her advantage. For someday, she may be in a relationship and have to sneak you in, with your luggage, so you can move in with them and help with the baby. Like a horse with blinders on, men do better if they don’t know whats going on around them. If they see too much and know too much, they might run from the house screaming and then the neighbors know too much.
No comments:
Post a Comment