Divorce Shelter Island Style

“Italy Hosts Its First Divorce Fair
Reuters Wed May 5, 3:21 pm ET
MILAN (Reuters Life!) – Italy is holding its first divorce fair, offering services such as life coaching and beauty advice to a booming number of separating couples in the Catholic country. The organizers said the fair (www.puntoeacapo.it), which will be held in Milan on May 8-9, aims to help divorcing people start a new, happier life. "Smiling is key to this fair, which also offers serious, practical advice for often dramatic situations," Franco Zanetti, who created the event, told Reuters. The services include divorce planning, anti-stalking help, and "new look" tips, the organizers said.”

Divorce Fair - Island Style

Divorce Lite = Separated, both still living on the Island, but haven’t bothered filing for a divorce because the tax benefits are better as a couple. The Divorce Lite couple still talk to each other and are civil in all public situations. No food fights at the Fireman’s BBQ. No fighting over who gets the kids, each parents takes turns with the creeps. No dating in-laws. Dating your spouses first cousins is acceptable and even damn near unavoidable on Shelter Island. And she still gets to call him with any car problems.

Divorced Regular = Both parties still live on the Island and for the most part are civil to each other. Exchanging barbs or the finger in public on occasion is acceptable, but no fighting in the IGA check out line. Each parent still has to take a turn with the kids, although they can pretend they want more time with the little darlings just to irritate the other person. Dating former brother or sister in laws for revenge is acceptable, but not recommended, it’s easier and less complicated just to key the other person’s car. She has to call him with car problems or listen to a big lecture on how she chose an idiot to repair the car.

Divorce Invisible = Both still live on the Island, each pretends the other does not exist. They can sit together anywhere because they can’t speak a single word to each other without it erupting into exactly where they left off during the last fight. They only communicate through e-mails so each has a chance to thoroughly overanalyze what that the other didn’t mean or is trying not to say.... Their children are not pawns in the game because the kids have their own system worked out in which their parents are pawns.

Divorce Severe = This couple has divided everything in half perfectly and each swears the other got more. They even divided the ferries - one gets the North Ferry and one gets the South Ferry. Both are determined to stay on the Island and drive the other one off. They work hard to date the person their former spouse hates the most on Shelter Island. They don’t have to stalk the former spouse because everyone on the Island lets them know where they saw his or her car last. The CIA could take lessons in brilliant espionage from angry divorced couples on the Island. She’d never call him for car assistance, because given the chance, he’ll drive her car into the bay.

Divorce Do Overs - Formerly divorced couples who remarry after some years of dating other people. They slowly come to the conclusion, that unless something is terribly deranged in their former spouses, it’s a lot easier to stay with some one you’re used to and vice versa, than to train a whole new person to bend to your will. And once again, she has the joy of walking in and saying, “Honey, the car’s making a funny noise.” She listens to a few curses and goes to start dinner knowing he’ll take care of it.