Notes for Boats #2
I got many responses to last weeks Rules for Boating. Here are some of the funniest.
From Bob P. > You can’t do anything for a seasick person. Find them a place to hang their head over the side towards the back of the boat preferably. Give them something to sit on. Remove all sharp objects from view, because if they have a chance to kill themselves, they will. Wish them luck and return to your party.
From Peggy G. > “Beware of Flying Tarantula’s” > In 1964, Peggy was a young gal from New Mexico. She was going boating on the Atlantic for the first time. She thought it would be like the calm lake boating in New Mexico. She paid for a terrific beehive hairdo ($40 bucks was a lot then) which included a “switch”, an extra hairpiece for volume and height. She sprayed her beehive using half a can of hairspray, confident that her hairdo would last the day.
But, Peggy was going boating off Martha’s Vineyard in a Boston Whaler..... Whalers go very fast and in five minutes after take off, her whole cone shaped beehive had shifted to the back of her head, making her look like a cartoon character who was zooming by. As she struggled with her hairdo, the sea spray and wind speed of the boat tore off her switch and the sticky, hairspray-laden, brown hairpiece landed on the face of her boyfriend who was sitting behind her. He screamed and said he felt like he’d be hit with a flying tarantula. Another male member of their party said he looked like he’d been hit by something else that ordinarily doesn’t fly, but Dan’s is a PG-13 magazine so you’ll have to use your imagination.
From Joe McF > Don’t let seasick people try to jump for the dock as you come in. They are desperate to get to any stable surface, but they suddenly think they can jump eight feet when they see the dock. When they fall in, only let one person go in after them. Three is too many and if they’ve been drinking, you have to remind them to let you cut the engine, and hence the whirling propeller, before they try to climb up on the back of the boat.
From Jackie V. > Jackie is a nurse and while boating with friends, she tripped and got an inch gash above one eyebrow. The pilot was also an MD and had his doctor bag in with the First Aid kit. He had a little suture set and stitched her up. He said he hoped it would look all right, he didn’t ordinarily stitch women’s faces. She asked him what his specialty was, he said, “I’m an Ob/Gyn man.”
From Jimmy > Putting smelly, sticky, bait in your girlfriends designer blue jeans while she’s swimming is not as fun an idea as it sounds. But it is a good way to find out just how hard she can hit and how long she can stay mad.
From my family files > My Uncle Walter never lived down the time we were all boating and his wife yelled at him not to jump in the water with his new watch on. So, he carefully took it off, pushed it into the pocket of his cut off jeans, and jumped in the bay. Yes, alcohol was involved.
Safe boating everyone!
No comments:
Post a Comment