Viagra vs. HGTV

“Hi hunny, I got a surprise for you. I redid the bathroom today.”
“Lois, you just did that.”
“No, Brian, that was in the Spring when I decorated it for summer. I redid it today for autumn.”
“Okay, just tell me what I can’t touch, starting with which towels.”
“I made it very easy for you this year. Don’t touch anything with an acorn or oak leaf. The guest towels have the embroidered acorns and oak leaves on them. They’re on top of the new light orange and brown towels that you can use. There’s matching acorn and oak leaf soaps in the soap dish, don’t use them either. You can use the regular soap in the dish in the drawer right next to the sink. There’s also an acorn shaped rug in front of the sink. Don’t stand on it. Stand next to it and lean over if you have to look in the mirror. There’s new potpourri on the back of the toilet, don’t throw used matches in it and set it on fire like last year.”
“Tell me dear, if I built you a second bathroom, could you designate it as a generic, user friendly zone that I could use anytime and use anything in it without fear of breaching that invisible clause in the marriage contract that says “and I swear never to touch guest towels, or anything designed for guests - even though the guests know better than to touch the guest stuff”?
“Are you serious? I’ve been begging for a second bathroom for years, why is it okay now?”
“Well, Lois my sweet, my huggy buggy bear.... I have a surprise for you too. Brace yourself.”
“Let me grab the counter, okay, I’m braced.”
“I had a special talk with the new doc today. We had the “little blue pill talk” and he gave me samples...”
“I didn’t ask you to have the “little blue pill talk” with him, our marriage is good, we don’t need to worry about anything.”
“Maybe for you, but haven’t you .....missed me?”
“Yes, um, sure, absolutely.”
“You don’t sound very happy, Lois, I thought you’d be thrilled.”
“Thrilled, that was the exact word I was looking for, thrilled. Yes, I am thrilled, can’t wait to be more thrilled in fact.”
“And the thrill can last for up to four hours.”
“I’ll kill you.”
“What?”
“I said, will you? I mean, four hours, geez.... that’s like a whole afternoon. A contractor could frame out a new bathroom in an afternoon. So how many pills did you get?”
“Six. I can take them as long as I don’t develop high blood pressure.”
“I see. Well Brian, you call a contractor while I make dinner and later tonight we’ll give those blue pills a test run.”
“Wait a minute, I didn’t say it was definite about a new bathroom.”
“But why wait? Let’s live on the edge for once, and spend some money on something we’ve always wanted, a second bathroom. And I promise never to decorate it. Just you, four walls and a shelf for newspapers. We’ll paint it blue to match the little pill.”
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get an estimate. What are you making for dinner?”
“Lasagna with extra cheese and extra sausage, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and cheesecake for dessert.”
“Perfect! Just don’t give me anything that will raise my blood pressure.”
“Of course not. I’ll just record Burn Notice and all my HGTV shows tonight.”
“There you go....sex trumps HGTV any day.”
“I’ll warm you up some fried chicken while you wait for dinner, hunny.”