Men In Trucks... they MUST go fast!!!

M.I.T.s

MIT's are Men In Trucks, they must go fast! They must be there ahead of you! There's no where to rush to, but by G-d, they have to get where you're not going ahead of you! MIT's must go fast or their private parts will fall off.

There is a highly defined pecker order for MITs eight years and older. New truck MITs are in a different catagory. New trucks are driven by rich men and wannabes. They can't measure up to the classic MITs. The different levels of classic MITs as follows:

First, you have your lowest level MITs. Level #1. These men drive an ordinary old pick-up truck. It must be at least eight years old and have no dogs, no trailer hitch and an uncracked windshield.

Level #2 MITs have a eight year or older truck with a tool box, trailer hitch and one dog in the back of an undetermined breed. They're used duct tape to repair the drivers seat.

Level #3 MITs have a ten year old truck, the tool box has a broken lock, two dings in windshield, a trailer hitch and one Labrador in the back. Level #3 MITs know how to make dashboard pizza. This is when you bring last nights cold pizza to work with you and leave it on the dashboard to warm in the sun and be ready by lunch. They hate MIMs (Moms In Minivans). They hunt them and get behind they just so they can see if they can make them drive faster.

Level #4 MITs have all of the above qualifying features plus have now used up an entire roll of duct tape on car seat repair. Level #4's are towing a small trailer containing a lawn mover and several large green trash barrels. They can identify every man in town by the vehicle he drives.

Level #5 MITs have all of the above plus two black Labs and fishing poles in the back. The driver must wear sunglasses repaired with black electrical tape. Level #5 MITs know exactly where to park at the jobsite to get the maximum amount of sun needed to cook dashboard lasagna, manicotti, warm blueberry muffins and keep coffee hot. The truck is dented but the dents have not rusted.

Level #6 MITs have all of the above features and two full Gatoraide bottles that contain a yellow liquid that is not Gatoraide.... rolling around the floor on the passenger side. The driver's side door can only be opened by reaching through the window and lifting the handle from the outside. The dents on the side of the truck have rusted into a mottled textured look. Level #6 MITs can be identified as they pass by the rust patterns the dents have now created, like spots on a leopard. From Level #6 and up, only the driver knows all the tricks required to drive this truck.

Level #7 MITs. Much like the Level #6's except that the driver hasn't even bothered to take the keys out of the ignition in over two years. There is now a small ragged back support cushion in the concave depression that was formerly known as the seatback. Level #7 MITs can not only cook on the dashboard, they can cook on the manifold. This is the Clint Eastwood level of cool MIT. When Level #7 MITs pull over and raise their hoods...they're just turning over the burritos...

Level #8 MITs are Level #7's that either have a salvaged door of a different color, or a plywood tailgate, or any other type of repair that involves permantly affixing plywood to the vehicle. It is the Steven Seagal level of MIT cool, they shape the plywood with their bare hands. At this age and level there is an everpresent bottle of Advil in the glove compartment.

Level #9 MIT's can be identified by the sound of their engines ten minutes before you see them. These trucks can only be driven by men with faded tatoos. They have a cooler and rod holders affixed to the front bumper. They know the cooking times of anything on a manifold. Their carseats are now an exact mold of their backs and behind, absolutely no one else can physically sit in the drivers seat without falling over. They are mature and more refined MITs now. They don't worry about their enemies, the MIMs (Moms in Minivans). They have now learned to love their enemies....whenever possible.

Level 10 MITs. Very rare, but there are a few. In addition to all of the above, they have bumper stickers that say, "Horn Broke, Watch for Finger". This is the Arnold Schwartzenegger level of MIT. He knows all the other MITs in town. And yea, though he drives though the valley in the shadow of debt, he fears no evil... for he knows where you live...