Ready or Knot....
I don’t recall who said it, but “...spring is when a young man’s thoughts gradually turn to that which a young woman has been thinking of all winter.”
Yep. Birds do it, bees do it, even girls with Ph.D.’s do it....Spring causes a burst of euphoria in our physical, spiritual and worst of all, emotional worlds. In the course of wanting to revamp the house, clear out the closets, de-clutter our lives, and all the mania that comes with spring, we begin to wonder if, possibly, there’s remote chance, it could happen...., maybe it will occur to him, since he’s been living with you for three years, to pop the question.
Initially that sounds wonderful. But you may have waited so long while auditioning for the role of wife, that you lost track yourself. You may have matured a little and now you need to pause and ask yourself, is he ready for marriage...to ME? Here’s a little check list I’ve developed to help you out:
* If you both come home from work at the same time, or especially if you come in after him, and he asks, “What’s for dinner?” , he ain’t ready.
* If he’s lived with you so long, he can’t remember the recipe for making a sandwich, he ain’t ready.
* If he waits for you to come home to clean and bandage his cut because he can’t stand the sight of blood, but watches intensely and whimpers and ‘ouches’ as you clean and bandage the wound, he ain’t ready.
* If he’d rather go without a Band-Aid than wear one with Care Bears on it ‘cause he’s afraid the boys at work will tease him, he ain’t ready.
* If he has completely lost the ability to find his keys, glasses, insurance cards, and any important papers and has come to believe that you have a uterine homing device for these items, he ain’t ready.
* If he thinks beer is one of the four basic food groups, he ain’t ready.
* If he volunteers to ‘babysit’ his own children.... he ain’t ready.
* If it is now your job to entertain his parents, he ain’t ready.
* If he has lost all comprehension of clothing management; he doesn’t know where new clothes come from, or where dirty clothes go, or how they get clean, or how they reappear in his closet, he ain’t ready.
* If he acts like a petulant child when asked to help clean the house he lives in and ‘deliberately on purpose’ screws up any household chore so that you will takeover in disgust and do it yourself, he ain’t ready.
* If he dares to complain about what you cook and never cooks himself, he ain’t ready.
* If he challenges what you spend but defends every dime he spends, he ain’t ready.
* If he ever stands in the bathroom and hollers, “Honey, come look at this!” He ain’t ready.
* If he thinks his driving skills have improved with time and experience and yours have gotten worse, he ain’t ready.
* If he only lets you take a bubble bath while he watches the kids in exchange for sex later, he ain’t ready.
* If he still doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have to understand why you need flowers on special occasions and also for no apparent reason, he ain’t ready.
* If he is doing something outside and calls to you, “Hey honey, watch me....”, he ain’t ready.
* If he’s willing for you to have natural childbirth, but he’s not willing to have a natural vasectomy, he ain’t ready.
* If you go to all your medical tests and exams alone, but you have to come with him for his, he ain’t ready.
* If you always end up eating at his favorites places because he pouts if you eat at yours, he ain’t ready.
* If he can buy condoms, but he can’t buy tampons, he ain’t ready.
* If he can’t change a poopy diaper, he ain’t ready.
* If he thinks he can watch a toddler and a football game from a lazyboy, he ain’t ready.
* If the words, “I’m sorry,” or “I was wrong,” , burn a hole in the roof of his mouth, he ain’t ready.
* If he hears you slamming cabinets in the kitchen and isn’t smart enough to get out of the house before you kill him, he ain’t ready.
* If he knows he’s not the sharpest bulb in the drawer but realizes he’s fortunate beyond belief that you have pitied him enough to deign to allow him into your life, well, he still ain’t ready...but if the ring is big enough, you could make an exception...
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