Every year, those of us gals without guys to buy us expensive gifts at Christmas, lament our loss and secretly ask Santa to leave us a man under the tree....
What I Want in a Man, Original List, age 22 :
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for dinner at a place that has cloth napkins
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Tries something romantic to get sex at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm all the way in the car
3. Works steady and splurges on dinner out occasionally, even if we only go to the restaurant HE chooses
4. Nods head when I'm talking and look conscious
5. Usually remembers the punch lines of his own jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange furniture and paint a room
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Learned from his first DWI it's better to drink at home because you don't need a license to drive a couch
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves and showers on the weekend if he intends to beg for sex
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps nose and ear hair trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch anything in public
3. Can operate an ATM without my assistance
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke unless he takes the time to embellish it
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Can find his own damn glasses, wallet, watch and keys!
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name high on the list of names he goes through when calling somebody
10. Doesn't bother me for sex unless he actually has a usable erection, or has taken viagra
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to open the door for the repairman I called
7. Usually wears some clothes around the house
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his glasses and teeth
10. Doesn't even think about sex unless he's showered, shaved and has a damn good piece of jewelry or gift certificate to Macy's ready at the bedside next to the lube.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
3. Has a fantastic life insurance policy
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