Betty Friedan Please don't go...

How could you leave us?

What a sad week... losing both Coretta Scott King and Betty Friedan, two of my personal heroes. I always loved Coretta for being a class act. She was definitely the strong, silent type, with opinions that would surprise you. She hated Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. She saw them as self serving opportunists who increased racial tensions. I agree with her on that. She challenged the finding of the court in her husband murder trial and sought to free the man whom she believed was innocent of the assasination of Martin Luther King, Jr. In my opinion, there’s no better role model for any woman who seeks truth than Coretta Scott King.

I heard Betty Friedan speak many times over the years. She is personally responsible for much of the aggravation I have caused my loved ones in the course of my life.

I was seventeen and about to become only the second person in my whole family who would graduate from high school. I wanted to go on to college. When I announced this to my family, they looked at me quizzically and my grandfather asked, “But don’t you want to get married?” I recall being dumbfounded at the realization that these two ideas were incompatible in their minds.

The Army recruiter had been to our school, and say what you will, it really it a great place for young people to get started. My stepfather blocked my scholarship to Oswego (but that’s another story). So one day, I found myself deep in a very bad section of Queens at a wig factory. They cut 38 inches of hair off my head and paid me $300. I bought two suitcases, clothes, new shoes, and then I enlisted to get the GI bill so I could get my education.

Fast forward one year. I’m serving at Fitzsimons Army Medical Center Psych Unit in Denver. Sergeants and officers make inappropriate comments and advances all the time. Cornering me in the linen room was a regular pastime for the married 40-something Major who ran the psych unit. Finally he said he was putting me on night shift and keeping me there (ignoring the six month rotation) until I was “nice” to him.

Fast forward eighteen months on night shift. I can’t get any quality sleep in the noisy barracks during the day. I’m punchy all the time. I worry about making mistakes constantly. Somebody leaves a copy of The Feminine Mystique in the lounge. I know it was God.

When I picked up the book, I’d never heard of sexual harassment and just accepted that this was how it was for women. By page 87, Betty said, we shouldn’t tolerate sexually manipulative behavior, and the Major is looking very bad. By page 192, Betty said, we have to speak up, so I went to the JAG (Judge Advocate General) to complain. They said I couldn’t prove what I claimed, so go away. By page 258, Betty said, we are not responsible for how men react to us, so I went to the Chaplain. He was nice, but told me it must be the way I dress (I’m in fatigues! We’re all in fatigues!) that’s provoking the Major. By page 317, Betty said, women must reach out to help and support each other, so I take a Chinese cooking course on post. Coincidentally, I noticed a Mrs. Weir on the sign up sheet. She turns out to be a great gal who, coincidentally, is married to General Weir who, coincidentally, is the General of the post. Gee... it was almost like I planned it....

Fast forward two months. I’m off nights. I have a new assignment as an aide in General Weir’s office. He makes me an editor of the post paper because he thinks I write “pithy humor” and he loves it! He insists I should become a writer, but I can’t imagine aspiring to anything so lofty. I do think of that pesky Major sometimes ...and wonder how’s he’s doing since he got reassigned to Guam...

Ever since reading The Feminine Mystique, I’ve been an irritant to any female friend or relative whom I think is tolerating mistreatment based on gender. I’ve caused marital arguments. I’ve gently enlightened male bosses. I’ve called women on seductive behaviors to manipulate bosses.

The feminist movement seems to be dormant these days. All the opportunities we marched for are here, yet young women today tolerate being called “ho’s” and “bitches”. Despite a plethora of birth control, abortions and illegitimate births are on the rise. There's absolutely no excuse for it. A woman must be responsible for her own fertility. And abortion is not to be taken lightly or casually used as birth control.

Psychologists document a steady increase in “battered girlfriend” syndrome where young women are being controlled by guys they are just dating! They all need to read The Feminine Mystique, because Betty said, one generation must teach the next.

Fond farewell Betty and Coretta, I’ll see you on the other side.