The Fray over Frey

Just like everything else in life.....there are rules for lying.

The author James Frey lied in his best selling book “A Million Little Pieces”. Oprah Winfrey did the best thing she could when she realized she was duped. She acknowledged it and asked for pardon, which was duly granted because she didn't waste any time asking for it.

Americans can handle the truth, whatever it is, and wherever it takes us, but we hate deceit. Deceit is a specific type of lie that embezzles our loyalty, sympathy, or money under false pretenses. For this, Americans will either kill you or put you in the Whitehouse.

Deceit is not to be confused with other types of lying. Example, if Frey had lied about his IQ, no one would care because we had no investment in it. It’s still a lie, but it doesn’t cost us anything either way, which puts it in the “white lie” category. Frey’s mistake was putting down in writing, facts that were easily disproved; like saying he was in jail for 87 days when it turned out to be 3 hours.
Lesson #1: Don’t put lies on paper....unless you attach someone else’s name to it!

Lying is not terrible, deceit is. We’ve all had to lie our asses off at some point in our lives to prevent a crisis. I have a clear memory of lying to a boss for a coworker to prevent a big problem for her. I hated doing it and I let her know later. But I lied so well, the boss reassigned the task to me!
Lesson #2: When speaking of things of which you have absolutely no knowledge, you must sound completely calm and certain.

Lying to family and loved ones is essential to familial harmony. These are what I call the ‘pink fuzzy lies’. If your hubby wants to know if you still think he’s “a hunka hunka burnin’ love”, the answer must always be yes. Just as he must never mention weight gain, new hair color, foo foo bed pillows, et. al. To all these, his answer must be, “I love it!”
Lesson #3: If you love me, tell me pink fuzzy lies.
Addendum; this does not extend to any lies told to cover broken commandments. Those lies fall in the deceit category and are usually very expensive.

Teenagers lie as a rule, but for some reason, parents feel compelled to respond with the truth.
LIE: “Sorry about the car, Dad. Tommy was driving without my permission.”
TRUTH: “That’s gonna cost me $800 to repair, son.”
LIE: “I’m really sorry. I’ll pay for the damage. I’ll get a part time job after school.”
TRUTH: “No son, just get good grades and don’t let anyone else but you drive the car.”
LIE: “I promise, Dad. I love you. You’re a great guy.”
Lesson #4: You only have to give as much truth as you get.

There’s a Turkish saying, “He who tells the truth had better have one foot in a stirrup.” The truth must only be told sparingly and with great care. Breaking someone’s delusion can be very painful. I have a really pretty size 14, Diane von Furstenburg, bathing suit in my underwear drawer. It’s been there for more than 20 years and still has the Neiman’s tag on it. If I need to hear any truth about that, I’ll let you know.
Lesson #5: Truths and lies can live peacefully side by side.

There’s a French saying, “In goes the wine, out comes the truth.” This is so true - and sometimes it’s a good thing, like if you need to know who’s in their will. But it can be a bad thing, like if they ask to use your cell phone to cancel the hit they put out on you.
Lesson #6: When using a martini to uncover a lie, be careful not to choke on the olive of truth.

I was talking with a great gal named Meghan, the other day. Meghan was telling me about her grandmother from Ireland who lived to be 92. I said, “She must’ve had great stories.” And she responded, “Yea, and they got better every time she told ‘em”. Now, was her sainted grandmother lying? Never! The Irish don’t lie. We just decorate the truth a little each time we tell it.

Which brings us back to Mr. Frey, which I think is an Irish name... Mr. Frey just lost his way. If he’d have kept his addiction story in a bottle of Bushnell's, it would have gotten better with time and Oprah and I wouldn’t be mad at him.
Lesson #7 Truth is in the ear of the beholder.