CANNONBALL!

What’s a Little Zoning Variance Between Neighbors?

AP Friday, Oct. 16, 2009
UNIONTOWN, PA. – A Pennsylvania Civil War buff faces a felony charge for accidentally firing a 2-pound cannonball through the wall of his neighbor's home. Fifty-four-year-old William Maser had been charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. Authorities on Thursday added a felony count of discharging a firearm into an occupied structure. ... Maser has acknowledged firing a homemade cannon outside his house in George's Township..... The cannonball, about two inches in diameter, ricocheted and hit the neighbor's home about 400 yards away, smashing through a window and a wall before landing in a closet. Police say nobody was hurt.

“Hello, is Mrs. Lowry there?”
“Hi, Mrs. Lowry? It’s Sharon the babysitter. Um, there’s a problem. You know your neighbor, Mr. Maser, the man who you were saying just moved to the Island from Pennsylvania after he got into some kind of trouble?
......Yeah, that’s him. Well, he’s a Civil War buff and he likes to do that reenactment stuff......the police just told me.....
They told me just now, when they got here.... no, they’re all busy with him right now, but I can tell you what happened.
Okay, we were all sitting and watching Wall-E on the kids’ TV when, BOOM! There was this huge explosion. I jumped up and there was this big hole in the kitchen over the counter and.....
It was a cannonball, Mrs. Lowry.... no, a real cannonball. Please don’t scream, Mrs. Lowry. I heard the man tell the police he makes them himself. But wait, there’s more.....hello? Mrs. Lowry?
Oh, hi Mr. Lowry. Yes, the man next door, he shot off a cannon.... yes, I’m sure a cannon is against some Island ordinance, but I don’t know about that stuff. Anyway, the cannonball came through the wall in the kitchen....no, none of the appliances got shot... but wait, it kept going you see....it went through the wall on the opposite side and into yours’ and Mrs. Lowry’s bathroom....yea, through the tile, I know it was new, it was very pretty, maybe you can tell Mrs.’ Lowry about that later.....it was pretty loud the kids got really scarred. No, all the police are busy with the guy and they’re all over the house taking pictures of the damage, they said to tell you they’ll talk to you in just a little bit. Yeah, but wait a minute Mr. Lowry, it gets worse....please don’t yell at me, Mr. Lowry, I’m just trying to tell you....
Oh, hi again, Mrs. Lowry. You took a Xanex? That’s good. Do you have any you can give Mr. Lowry?.... yea, well, he’ll need them soon. So, after the cannonball went through the kitchen and through the wall to your bathroom, it landed in Mr. Lowry’s closet....no, the gun closet. I know he has that new gun for deer this year. Well, I don’t know one gun from another Mrs. Lowry, two of them are busted in pieces and two are all right. Maybe you shouldn’t tell him until you get home....
Hello Mr. Lowry..... Yes, it landed in your gun closet. I just told Mrs. Lowry, I don’t know one from another, but one of the police said, you were gonna be really upset when you got home and they should take the other guns out of the house as a precaution so you don’t shoot the guy. The cop said your permit got shot too. Well, I don’t know if it was in your lucky hunting vest, Mr. Lowry, I just heard the cop laugh and said, “Damn, he got the permit too!”
......okay, you’re on your way, I’ll tell the police. Oh, and Mr. Lowry, the kids and I are all right, just in case anyone asks.”