The Deer Hunter

Reuters / Thu Oct 22, 3:15 pm ET
PALERMO, Sicily (Reuters) – A Sicilian builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media reported Thursday. Santo Gambino, 30, did time for dumping hazardous waste before being moved to house arrest in Villabate, outside the Sicilian capital, Palermo, Italian news agencies reported. Gambino went to the police station and asked to be put away again to avoid arguing with his wife, who accused him of failing to pay for the upkeep of their two children. Police charged him with violating the conditions of his sentence and made him go home and patch things up with his wife. (Writing by Stephen Brown; editing by Philippa Fletcher)

This is the kind of thing that would never happen on Shelter Island; imagine, a man preferring to be put in jail rather than be home with his wife....

Joe: "Roger, did you see this article? This guy gets himself put in jail rather than hear his wife yammer on and on about nothin'."
Roger: "Yeah , I saw that. Jeannie is already bitching about me waking her up at 4 AM when I go deer hunting."
Joe: "Do you make a lot of noise?"
Roger: "Never. I tiptoe around, get my gear, guns, it's not me, it's Terry, he wakes her up when he pulls up to get me and the top lights on his truck cab shine into our bedroom. Then he comes in for coffee. He's not noisy, but sometimes we have to wake her up to find the filters, y'know..."
Joe: "Well, that's not unreasonable, she can go right back to sleep."
Roger: "She says the smell of the coffee wakes her up. I thought it would have been the bacon, but I guess it's the coffee. She always wakes up for some reason. Then she starts in about not leaving egg dishes all over and she's over at the sink rinsing dishes and complaining that it's now five in the morning and there's no sense going back to sleep since she has to get up at seven with the kids. Man, I can't want to get out of that house in the morning."
Joe: "We all put up with it, man. You think they'd be appreciative that we're bring home free venison. Jennie always rags on about how the venison is actually about $116 a pound. She does this weird calculation thing, adds up the cost of my gear, guns, bullets, boots, knives, gas, everything."
Roger: "You don't tell her the truth do you? You always trim off 25% of the price of anything you tell your wife you bought."
Joe; "I know that. I never tell her what the guns and gear really cost, then the venison would come out to about $182 a pound, and I'd NEVER hear the end of that!"
Roger: You know, if we could work out something, we could get arrested together after deer season and share the cell in the jail, there's only two."
Joe: "You know, that's not as crazy as it sounds. We could do something to get jailed for about two months, get three hots and a cot, no complaining about how much money we spent or how much time we spent away from the family..."
Roger: "No lectures on not letting the baby play with the empty rifle..."
Joe: "No complaints about washing clothes with deer blood on them."
Roger: "No one yelling at you not to throw your bowie knife at the shed door because someone might open the door at that exact moment and get a knife in the head."
Joe: "Women worry about the most trivial stuff, y'know...."
Roger: "I know, I always lock the shed door before I throw my knives."
Joe: "What about the time you nearly clipped Tom when he opened the door?"
Roger: "That was two years ago. Besides, Tom is a big guy, the knife couldn't have gone in far enough to do much harm."
Joe: "So what can we get arrested for?"
Roger: "We're a coupla bright guys, lets bring a six pack and we'll figure something out in the deer blind."