The Big Dig

The northeast has many ‘snowbirds’; residents who winter in Florida or other warmer climates till Memorial Day. But sometimes, people who are from warmer places think they’d enjoy experiencing a winter.

7 AM
“Look at it, Joyce. A blanket of white velvet covering the land. What a beautiful morning. Our first big snow. It is awe inspiring.”
“It sure is, Charley. Looks like you’ll get to use your new snow shovel today.”
“I can shovel the sidewalk and driveway in about an hour I think.”

8 AM
“Are you back in already, Charley? The car is still buried.”
“Yeah. I just did the sidewalk. It takes longer than I thought. But at least we can get out to the street.”
“Not anymore, honey. While you were in the can, the snowplow came by and there’s a huge block of snow at the end of the walk, about four feet high.”
“No problem. That happens. You shovel out, the plow shovels you back in. It’s part of life in the Northeast, honey. I’ll shovel out the end of the walk after breakfast.”
“Okay, and the car too.”
“No problem.”
“I saw our neighbor give the plow guy the finger.”
“Very immature. Snow is just a fact of life here, Joyce, people have to adjust.”

11 AM
“It took forever, but I got the car cleared off and and shoveled out the driveway to the road. I didn’t realize how packed down the snow was at the end of the walk. I guess the movement of the plow packs it as it goes.”
“Well, just rest in the chair. I’ll make you some lunch.”
“What’s that sound? Is that the plow? Is he on this street?”
“Yup, Oh hell, Charley, he just filled up the end of the walk and the driveway with another mound of snow. He’s giving our neighbor the finger and laughing.”
“What?”
“Yeah, the neighbor just threw a flowerpot at the plow.”
“The man is unbalanced.”

1 PM
“Well, that should be it, Joyce. I shoveled out the ends of the walk and the driveway and re-shoveled both from the snow since this morning. I put a sign at the end of the driveway for the plow man not to block us in again.”
“Oh, Charley, I don’t know how to tell you. He just re-plowed while you were in the bedroom changing clothes. We’re blocked at the ends again.”
”WHAT? He just ignored the sign? Who does that son of a bitch think he is?”
“And the neighbor hurled a lawn chair at the plow this time. He’s a local you know.”
“Call the town, Joyce, find out who is plowing this road and tell them to tell him to lift the plow before he crosses driveways that have obviously been dug out.”

3 PM
“Okay, Joyce. That’s the last I can shovel us out today. I am pooped. Did you get ahold of the town?”
“Yes. They said they’d pass the message...”
“WAIT! What’s that? Is that him coming AGAIN?”
“Yes. Charley, he’s at the corner, maybe you can get outside in time, flag him down and talk to him.”
“I’ll talk to him.....”
“Charles... what are you doing with the bat? Hold on, phone’s ringing....it’s the neighbor. He said he’ll meet you at the end of our driveway since the plow will hit us first. He says he has bottles and rags, do we have any kerosene, gasoline or lamp oil in the house? What’s he talking about, Charley?”
“He’s talking about a man’s right to the pursuit of life, liberty, happiness, and the right to defend his home front from all enemies; foreign, domestic, or armed with snowplows.”