Whenever a big snow storm is predicted, grocery stores make out great because we all stock pile for the storm. People prepare differently for storms according to sex, age group, and marital status. Couples split into two categories; BWC (Broke With Children) or CWM (Childless With Money).
Bachelors who live alone have the shortest storm supplies list; beer.
Bachelors whose girlfriends live with them; beer and maybe a candle so she doesn’t freak out if the lights go out.
Single women with no children have the best supply list; chocolate, candles, magazines, tasty canned foods that they love since they don’t have to please anyone else, cozy comforter, charged cell phone to chat away the time if the cable goes out.
Single Mothers have the worst list; candles, Lunchables, kid’s snack foods, crayons, coloring books, games, at least 10 minutes on a prepaid cell phone to call for help if needed, and absolutely nothing for themselves. If she has a boyfriend, and if he’s coming over, she also has to buy his beer. Why? Because once a man is dating, it seems to be her responsibility to make everything he wants appear before his eyes. He comes over before the storm, opens the fridge, sees the Lunchables and juice boxes and says, “Hey, you didn’t get me any beer?”
BWC (Broke With Children) couples get everything on the single Mom list, including beer, but the man is smart enough to get shrimp and chocolate for her, bags of salt, and possibly a new snow shovel.
CWM (Childless With Money) couples can get a list of any supplies they want, but why bother? If you’re going to be trapped inside for a few days, why shouldn’t it be in a nice hotel with room service? CWM couples can stay at the Sheridan.
Retired people are the best prepared. They’ve lived long enough to anticipate every possible contingency plan for a storm. They have a wood or kerosene stove if the heat goes out. They have lots of candles if the lights go out. They have plenty of canned food, and they always know where the can opener is. The have decks of cards and know card games. They’ve lived a long time, so they have funny stories to tell and retell. They do not require TV to entertain themselves or each other. They don’t have cell phones because they can’t see the tiny buttons or figure out how the stupid little things work anyway - but it’s okay because, they don’t need any help to get through a storm. Prior to the storm, they hired someone to shovel them out. They know someone will come check on them if no one has seen or heard from them 48 hours after the end of the storm. When they go to the store for storm supplies, they get cat or dog food, toilet paper and make a pharmacy run to insure they have all their meds.
If you’re not retired, you should always know a retired couple and stay on their good side. In the event of a really bad storm and if your supplies are running low, call them. The man has a truck, or something with four wheel drive. They will come and rescue you and your children. Just pack the kids things and whatever booze you have in the house. The retired people have Margarita and Daiquiri mix and a blender that works. Whatever your hyperactive kids don’t drink, the grown-up can have. It breaks the social mores, but hey, it’s a snow storm, no one should be stuck in a house with kids climbing the walls when a little chemical intervention can make everyone’s lives easier for the duration.
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