We’ve all just dug out from a big blast of snow and the weatherman predicts another big storm in the next two weeks. Snow storms are very bad for men, more so than women. First, regardless of women’s lib, we still send them out to shovel. But worse than backbreaking shoveling, snow storms pose a great financial risk to men; ruination by roomination.
At some point, when a women is trapped in her house, she relents and says, “Oh well, might as well make the best of it, “ and makes herself a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and sits down in her living room to take a few minutes for herself. This is where the trouble starts.
As she sits and sips, she begins to ruminate, you know, to think about how things are going for her in general. As she ruminates, her eyes lazily focus here and there in the room. Slowly she realizes that the “new” couch isn’t really new anymore. It was new five years ago and now she begins to see stains and wear. A slight feeling of sadness begins. Her eyes drift away to look at her pretty drapes that she loves. But wait, they don’t really match the love seat that came in after the drapes, do they? No, they don’t. And the end tables legs are looking a little beat up from all the hits from the vacuum. If a man can catch and distract his gal at just this moment, he has a chance of diverting her from the next step which will cost him a lot to time and money in the Spring.
She Who Must Be Obeyed, ruminates over the old and beat up furniture, drapes and carpet that surround her - and suddenly she’s sick of it. Within her reach is the TV remote and within that slim magic remote is the key to heart. She turns on HGTV - Home and Garden TV. They have decorating shows every half hour. They show her how, with just a little effort and $ 2000, she can redecorate the room. Rumination gives way to redecoration.
When a woman begins to ruminate about how she can redecorate a room, all is lost. Rumination and decoration collide in her mind and roomination occurs. Roomination is the ability to peer into April and see a new living room.
She looks at the exhausted man sleeping in yon Lazy-Boy recliner and envisions him putting in a new ceiling fan, taking out old furniture, laying down new carpet, and schlepping in new furniture. She mentally reconfigures the budget to afford what she wants.
Just for the guys, here are the signs your gal is roominating:
She sifts through the junk mail and keeps the flyers from furniture stores.
She begins to complain about how uncomfortable the couch is and about it’s length; if it’s a short couch, she will lament that a longer couch would allow you to sleep on it. If it’s a long couch, she’ll point out that a shorter one would allow you to fit in a new recliner for you.
All benefits of furniture purchases will be described in terms that benefit you.
A new carpet, with a thicker pad, will absorb your fall better when you trip over the cat.
Padded arms on the chairs won’t stick to your arms in summertime.
New drapes, with blackout liners, will shut out the sun, all the better for you to nap in your new recliner my dear....
Unfortunately, once roomination has begun, there’s no stopping it’s relentless progression. The victim becomes increasing discontented, fights over money erupts, hallway sex begins (you pass each other in the hallway and say “f--k you”), always a bad sign.
Sorry guys, there’s no option but to open your wallet and, if you play nice, you may get to chose the color of your new recliner.
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