Boating; Things that don't mix with Tequila

Notes for Boats

Boating is one of the greatest pastimes in the world. I love it. You get out there, alone on the water. No TV’s, phones, you can just talk, have fun and enjoy the beauty of the day. Some people are new to boating, so I thought I’d pass on some tips for new boaters.

* When launching your boat from a boat trailer, BACK down the boat launch ramp so that the boat goes into the water first....
* The right side of the boat is the starboard side and has a green light. Left is Port and has a red light. Boats approaching from opposite directions do not have to pass each other on the left like cars do. It would be ideal, but just making sure there’s a safe distance between vessels is enough. If you can throw a beer to the passing ship, you’re too close to pass safely and swiftly, but if you slow down enough, you can exchange items via crab net; beer for cheese and crackers, suntan lotion for margarita mix, whatever seems like an even swap.
* Do not cross the ferry lanes unless you can do so quickly and completely. Ferry's are clumsy to navigate, it’s like trying to steer a giant soap dish, they have right of way and can push aside anything smaller than they are. I’ve have seen some people cut across so close to the front of the ferry that I could see what page of Dan’s they were reading. So please, don’t be the cause of a ferry accident, it will back the ferry lines up for days.
* Boat cushion fights; sometimes the mixture of sun, sea air and alcohol, can result in a boat cushion fight breaking out. They’re sort of like pillow fights, but with harder pillows and always the chance that someone could be knocked out of the boat and and attacked by a passing shark, which rarely happens in normal bedroom pillow fights, but it’s that extra little risk of coming home without a limb that adds a unique fun factor to boat cushion fights.
* When towing a water skier, occasionally look behind you to see if you are still pulling a vertical object or just a lump that is bobbing up and down in the water. If boats pass you and people appear to be signally wildly for you to look behind you, you should interpret this as a sign to check for that skier.
* Taking the children boating; like the Norman Rockwell painting of the family at Thanksgiving, this concept works in fantasy, but not reality. Taking children boating means you get to do all the things you have to do for them at home, plus add sunscreen to all exposed flesh every 30 minutes and listen to extensive whining in a confined space. I think this is why dinghies were invented. It’s a way to give kid a “time out” on the water. And if they continue to stick bait in their sister’s hair or - perish the thought - throw the beer overboard, you can always lengthen that dinghy rope, just don’t let them dip past the horizon because then the connecting rope could get in another boater’s way.
* Boating nude; another concept that works in fantasy far better than reality. When I was very young and there were absolutely no boats anywhere in sight I let my boyfriend Arnie talk me into this. The sunburn I got that day in the Hawaiian sun was the stuff of legend. He burned parts of himself that no man even wants to imagine. My advice is, stick with the fantasy, because at least you can still sit down without crying the next day, and the same goes for me too.