Shelter Island Barbecue Season

A Man For All Seasons

Shelter Island has four seasons; Christmas and/ or Holiday of your choice, Spring Planting; Barbecue; and Deer Hunting. The Fourth of July marks the beginning of barbecue season. I believe that barbecue season has been around the longest because there’s something about raw meat and fire that goes back to the first man and certainly the first inhabitants of Shelter Island.

Year 1762, an nice sunny summer’s day
“Running Deer wants us to come over for barbecue tonight. He says bring that fat possum you caught and he wants me to make corn pudding.”
“Why should I bring my possum? He never has any meat except shellfish and that’s only because they can’t run. I don’t know why they call him Running Deer, all he manages to do is run them off. He should’ve been named Spooking Deer or just Clam Digger.”
“Be nice, he’s your brother. You know he was never fast, Rips Off Antlers, the Chief just gave him the name Running Deer to make him feel better.”
“Yeah, I know, part of the No Brave Left Behind Program...”
“I’ll pack and carry the baby, can you carry the food? It’s midmorning, we’d better get started if we want to get before dusk.”
“And that’s another thing - why does he have to live all the way across the Island?”
“He likes his privacy, besides if he lives too close, he aggravates you when he borrows your stuff.”
“Yeah, like my best bow. Oh man, you know how long it took me to make that bow? It was a beauty, a work of art. I let him use it once and that son of a .....”
“Honey, please, I didn’t mean to get you started on the bow. Just get the possum and let’s go.”

Year 2010, a nice sunny summer’s day
“Bill, Joe and Susan want us to come over for barbecue. He wants you to stop and get franks, the kosher kind, and pork chops. I made German potato salad with chopped eggs and bacon.”
“I don’t like it with eggs. Can’t you just make regular potato salad?” And how come I always have to get the pork chops?”
“He got all the barbecue stuff. As far as the salad, everyone else likes it with eggs.”
“Okay, so can you make me one without eggs?”
“Can we stop at IGA on the way and buy it?”
“I don’t want the store potato salad, I want yours, it tastes better homemade.”
“Ah, c’mon Bill, that’ll take another hour to make!”
“You said you cooked all the time for your first husband. If you could cook extra for that moron, you can cook for me.”
“Yeah but I traded up when I married you. I got him from the No Bachelor Left Behind Program and he was the last one because he was such an OCD pain in the neck. And you’re not like that. You’re wonderful, you never make me go through unnecessary effort just to please you. You are always willing compromise and go with the flow. That’s what I love about you......are you buying all this so far?”
“Yes if we can have sex tonight.”
“All right, sex is on the menu as long as you stop at three beers which is your Cain limit.”
“My Cain limit?”
“Yes, every man has a drinking limit when he’s sure he Cain, but he just ain’t Abel.”

Fourth of July 2010

Oh beautiful for spacious skies...

How did we get conned into arriving at airports two hours early to volunteer for body searches and have all our possessions rifled through? Benjamin Franklin said, "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

For amber waves of grain...

We found out what’s killing the bees; genetically engineered plants have pesticides in their DNA and it’s killing the bees when they eat the pollen. So, what’s it doing to us? Plus, I’m a little concerned that Albert Einstein said the planet can only survive four years without bees.

For purple mountains majesty...

Unless of course unless they have an profitable ore, then they're coming gown.

Above the fruited plains...

But who needs bees when we can clone fruit?

America, America, God shed his grace on thee...

And yet, we let one atheist, who doesn’t even have kids, get rid our prayer in schools. I recall having moments of silence in school to pray because of a national loss or local tragedy and a pastor was always present to help with a dedication or celebration. And I still think Christmas vacation was a lot more fun than Winter Break, so there...

And crown thy good with brotherhood...

Not even the government, regardless of which party is in charge, has yet wrangled this from us. I love how quickly Americans close ranks when facing a threat. 9/11 being the last example. New York City was crime free for 11 days after the tragedy. Nine million people, not a rape, not a murder, nothing...

From sea to shining sea...

In the case of Shelter Island, this is a fairly short distance. However, if the island is a microcosm of America, and I believe it is, there is hope yet. As much as we all complain locally and nationally about the government, if anyone challenges our patriotism, they’d better be prepared to have their heads knocked off! A Nazi colonel once told his troops that he didn’t understand how the American soldiers, who were the worst trained and undisciplined men that ever wore a uniform, could, when cornered, be the most deadly of fighters.

A congressional aide told me, one hand written letter counts as 1500 people’s opinions to a member of congress, an email counts as 500 opinions and most legislators won’t pay attention to an issue unless they get three letters or ten e-mails. I find that fascinating. Gives me hope and motivation to get involved. Abraham Lincoln said it best: “The American people will get as good a government as they are willing to work for and as bad a government as they are willing to stand for.”

Have a happy and healthy Fourth of July. Today the Island will all be thinking again of our G.I. Joe, recently called home from the field of battle. No soldier dies in vain if the ones he loves remain free.