"It's the Lord, Noah..." "Right....."

Singin’ in the Rain
Last week was just like monsoon season in the Pacific. For a solid week, the rain ranged between ‘dampen your clothes’ to ‘drench you to your skivvies by the time you get to the car,’ with a smothering blanket of warm humidity as a bonus.

The first Saturday of the monsoon, we rented the movie The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The movie opens with dolphins all over the world doing back flips, which we learn is dolphin speak for ‘farewell.’ You see, they just received a memo that an intergalactic construction firm has just been granted eminent domain over earth and the earth will be destroyed in a half hour in order to clear the way for a new space highway (wormhole). The dolphins sing their thanks as they ‘swim’ up into the air in a lovely choreographed number called, “So Long, So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish.” They all get picked up by space buses waiting to take them away. After that, the movie gets strange.

Sunday: The dreariness of the monsoon was offset for many by the fact that Vinnie and the Jets won over the Buccaneers. I have no idea what I’m watching when I watch any sport, but I have learned to hold an expression of interest for three hours straight, just like a man does when you talk to him about redecorating.

Monday: I’m not sure which is more depressing, a rainy Sunday or a rainy Monday. Either way, soup is the order of the day. I made pea soup to match the atmospheric pressure outside my window. We ate it with a fork.

Tuesday: It’s still raining. We’re running out of movies to watch. It becomes a choice between renting new movies that aren’t quite appealing except that we haven’t seen them, or watching old favorites that we’re not quite ready to see again. Small lakes are beginning to form across streets all over the Island. Everyone is slowing down as each driver wonders how fast he can go without wetting the brakes. This does not apply to the SUV people; they are taking the mini lakes at full speed. They figure, “For the amount of money I’m paying to gas this thing, I’m damn well gonna have some fun!”

Wednesday: My brother is building something in the back yard. He’s working feverishly through the torrential rain. All he’ll tell me is that it’s 80 cubits by 30 cubits by 20 cubits.... He orders me to gather all the Island wildlife in pairs and wait for his signal. I have corralled two regular patrons from each bar. Of the animal life, I have corralled two dozen each scallops, clams, and oysters. I have housed each species in its own stainless steel container. The stainless steel containers help to keep the sea creatures from cross breeding. The containers are stored on my stovetop, except for keeping one back burner clear to melt the butter.

Thursday: It will be necessary to capture more shellfish, as the first captives seem to have pried their shells open and escaped.

Friday: How can it STILL be raining? It’s so humid people are getting the ‘bends’ in the time it takes to return a shopping cart. Should we call FEMA now to give them a head start? Will the runoff from the Island raise the sea level around the Island and cover the beaches? Everything in the house feels damp unless it just came out of the dryer. The dampness is renewing every undesirable smell the house has kept hidden till now. The upside is you can locate and clean every spot where your dog peed once and for all.

Saturday: It’s pouring again. But I no longer care. I’ve just gotten a memo and I’m doing back flips on the front lawn. My neighbors look amazed as they watch me float into the sky with a full dolphin escort as we sing, “So Long, So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish...” The neighbors had no idea I could do a back flip.