Okay, It's a Hurricane, we got it.....

Situation Saturation


I don’t know why the news treats each hurricane like it’s the first one that’s ever happened on earth. I can’t be the only person who watches the news and wonders why the reporters feel it’s necessary to stand outside in hurricanes, hanging onto parking meters, with their microphones batting into their faces, while they shout obvious statements like, “Well Bob, as you can see, these 90 mile per hour winds are pretty strong. A trash can nearly killed me just as we were setting up.... I can barely stand up as I talk to you!”

WELL GO INSIDE YOU IDIOT !!! No one can understand anyway! We all know it’s a big storm. We’ve all felt strong wind and can reference the experience from tactile memory without watching you roll down the street!

Maybe there’s some kinda merit badge given to weather people if they break a bone after being slammed against a phone pole... Maybe they show scars to each other when they get drunk. “I got this one on my leg here, when a potato peeler hit me while I was standing in the path of an oncoming tornado that just ripped through a trailer park...yep... that was back in the day when a weatherman knew how to handle his low pressure zones....”

I love the reporters wading waist deep in bright yellow waders so we can all see the sacrifice they’re making to prove how high the flood water is. Standing waist deep in water holding electronic equipment...oh gee, and what’s wrong with this picture? Maybe they get extra points if they electrocute themselves on national television....

“Good evening America. I’m Jane Dumb standing here in chest deep water where our co-anchor, John Dumber, was electrocuted just a few short hours ago. He tripped over something he couldn’t see through these muddy flood waters and fell in, completely immersing himself in these fetid, bacteria laden waters, causing all the wiring he was hooked up to, to short out all at once. Our crew, who are experts in electronics, did all they could to save him, but in the end, they were unable to fix John’s shorts in time. Back to you, Dave.”

Remember the reporters after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans? Wading through contaminated water and describing how the toxicity of the chemical bath they were wading in, would blister skin on contact. I think they’ve taken the concept of ‘in depth’ reporting way too literally... someone has to tell them that it’s not necessary to stand in a cow patty to describe the smell.

I hope a big hurricane never hits Shelter Island. I can just see it now...

“Good evening America, this is Wendy the Weather Wacko, saturating the news with redundant reports. Here’s an update from our last update five minutes ago on the big storm hitting the east end. Bill? How’s it look out there?”

“Hi Wendy! This is Bill Moron. I’m strapped to the gate of one of the ferries, on Shelter Island. Man, the waves are ggggllubbbb. As you can see, I can barely ggggllllubbbb, as the ferry bobs up and down in these high ggllllluubbbbb. We’re approaching the dock ggggllubbb, I hope the gate I’m tied to doesn’t hit ggggglllubb.....”

“Bill? Bill? We seem to have lost contact with Bill. Probably some technical problem. We’ll check back later. Right now, let’s go to Felicia Ifican, who has lashed herself to the flagpole in front of the firehouse. Felicia?”

“Hey Wendy! This is Felicia Ifican. I’ve lashed myself to a flagpole here to bring you the news on this storm. It’s a big one, folks! Fedi’s Deli, is doing a brisk business in ‘sandwiches to go’. You just pull up to the front door, roll down your window, and they’ll shoot one into your car. The roof of the Post Office has blown off, and for the first time, mail is being delivered all over the Island. Lots of people here have these big wooden cut out sheep on their lawns. They’re about 2 feet by 3 feet and they’re whirling around here like giant frisbees. We estimate they are traveling at 125 mph as they cut things in half and imbed into the sides of buildings. I have to be careful. If one comes my way and I don’t take cover in time, it could slice my ....”