Wait Honey, Let Me Ax You Something...
While driving to work this morning, some radio host was giving advice on how women can get men to listen to them. They advocated three rules: 1) Sit beside the man, not in front of him. Eye contact can be intimidating for men. They are more likely to open up if sitting beside you. 2) No distractions. Try to talk to him without radio, TV, or any other distractions. The reason is that men can't multitask well. 3) Get to the point. When women build up to something, his mind wanders until he thinks you're getting to the point.
I think all three of these suggestions are excellent, especially the third one about getting to the point. I find that more women over-explain things to men. But the men don't care. They want to know what you want, when you want it. I recall wanting my ex to paint a room for me. I tacked the color I selected to the wall with a note giving the deadline. I also made a note of the consequences. First, no cooking. Seond, no marital privileges. Third, I would take his fly-fishing equipment hostage. The room was painted the color I wanted on time without any nagging. I learned a valuable lesson. Don't nag. They don't hear it. Threaten to take away their toys instead.
There are some other suggestions I have for communicating with men.
Lasagna - Learn to make an excellent lasagna. Feed him a big garlicky piece and he will listen to anything you say. Remember that the second piece usually puts them to sleep, so if you need to ask for money, wait until you've got him in that pasta stupor, you know, when he's pasta all caring...
Gift card to Lowe's or Home Depot - If you need him to take you somewhere and he doesn't want to go, get a Lowe's or Home Depot gift card and sale catalog. Explain to him that after he takes you to your appointment or event, he can go to Home Depot on the way home and stay as long as he likes to look at all the lawn tractors, and barbecue equipment and new tools. I have never met a heterosexual man who can resist this. Tool shopping for them is like shoe shopping for us. There's always room for a new tool.
Sleep deprivation - I have a friend who liked to wait until she had her hubby alone on their boat to let him have it about some issue she had. She was getting nowhere, and he was putting in early rather than listen to her. I suggested she reverse course and make those day cruises a love-fest and not mention anything unpleasant. Just sail away on a sparkling sea. When you get home, I told her, let him catch you crying softly on the edge of the bed. He's had a great day and he's tired from the salt air. He'll agree to anything to stop the crying so he can get some sleep. And he did...she said it worked like a charm. every time.
My mother has been known to remove car batteries and hide them in the kitchen when she absolutely had to talk to one of my brothers. Very effective, it worked every time. My grandmother wanted a refrigerator. She still had an icebox when I was in grade school. One day, she took an ax to the icebox, threw the ax in the middle of the living room floor where my grandfather was watching TV and announced, "Ervin, NOW I need a refrigerator." I recall we all held our breath, certain he was going to kill her. But there must be something about a woman wielding an ax that melts a man's heart. He quietly rose from his La-Z-Boy and got in the car. The next day Gram had her first refrigerator. It was 1965.
So remember, when you want your fella to listen to you, reduce his distractions, use lasagna if needed, and if all else fails, use an ax.
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