LIPA

It's official, LIPA has purchased land on Shelter Island to create a substation. I presume they will station enough trucks and equipment on Shelter Island to dispatch trucks to the North and South Forks for service, this way they can close their substations in Cutchogue (I think) and in Sag Harbor. But I have a feeling that this is one of those ideas that is perfect on paper, like communism, but does not work in reality.

LIPA Worker #1, "It's 2:30 in the freakin' morning, whaddaya mean we gotta call the ferry and get this rig on a boat to Jamesport ?"

LIPA Worker #2, "We're the substation, man, we gotta respond."

LIPA Worker #1, "Did the supervisor fail to notice there's a gale out there? You know how that boat's going to rock? If we don't flip over, we'll be too seasick to drive!"

LIPA Worker #2, "That's the job, man, that's why the Union's going to try to get us hazard pay."

LIPA Worker #1, "You know the ferry guys are getting sick of these night calls too."

LIPA Worker #2, "Hey man, they are well paid to crank up those boats."

LIPA Worker #1, "And what about the locals? Does the Super know what a pain they are now that they think they have us trapped?"

LIPA Worker #2, "You got that right."

LIPA Worker #1, "They show up, and if we're not here they tape notes to the door to come to their house to fix everything! I had a lady leave me a note to come test her house and tell her the maximum wattage her house can absorb."

LIPA Worker #1, "No way!"

LIPA Worker #2, "Way! Ask Roy. He just moved here and he gets calls all the time either asking to have something fixed or they question him about their bill. People tape payments to his door so he can take their payments into the office for them."

LIPA Worker #1, "What the hell is going on with them?"

LIPA Worker #2, "It's the weird mentality they have here. If we choose to live and work among them, we must share and help solve their problems. And if our kids go to school here, then they own us. We'll be absorbed into the tribe, our LIPA trucks will become their LIPA trucks. We'll have to be in their parades and use our cherry pickers to get kites out of trees."

LIPA Worker #1, "And if we don't cooperate? If we stay aloof and refuse to integrate?"

LIPA Worker #2, "Picture tires slashed, imagine no ferry on call in the middle of the night, hundreds of little cables splicing into our mains, siphoning off electricity. I'm telling you, if we expect to work here and some of us live here, we're going to at least have to make them think that we want to be one of them. No choice, man, they have us surrounded."

LIPA Worker #1, "Maybe I should turn in a report to the Supervisor about these people."

LIPA Worker #2, "Roy already tried. They made a joke about him being afraid of the "Island Pod People." Basically told him he was imagining things. He even told him about the Island guy who left his LIPA bill with a bushel of clams on his porch for payment."

LIPA Worker #1, "Clams?"

LIPA Worker #2, "Clams, bluefish, seafood is currency here."

LIPA Worker #1, "So what did Roy do with the clams?"

LIPA Worker #2, "What do you think we were all eating Sunday?"

LIPA Worker #1, "The guy's clams?"

LIPA Worker #2, "Yup, we ate his entire LIPA payment and Roy sent in a check for the guy's account."

LIPA Worker #1, "Uh oh, Roy's becoming one of them."

LIPA Worker #2, "Yeah, they got Roy. Just a matter of time before they get us all."