Talking Trees of Autumn

"Bob, could we do a theme this year?"

"What do you mean, theme? We're maple trees, Margaret, we don't have to have a theme, we just stand here and turn colors, that's it."

"No, that's not just 'it', Bob. We're Shelter Island maple trees, we try to do things tastefully. A color scheme is always a better idea than letting our leaves change color all helter-skelter like somebody dumped confetti on us."

"You got this idea from Trudi, didn't you Margaret?"

"Trudi who?"

"Don't give me 'Trudi who?' You know who I mean. That mature maple tree that was put in at the end of the street this spring. You've been sending messages by messenger bug all summer. She's a young, firm, designer tree in front of a designer house. That's not you, Margaret."

"Gee, thanks, what a nice thing to say to someone who has stood by your side all your life, Bob."

"Don't get irked, you know what I mean."

"Oh, yeah, I know. It's fine for her to turn her leaves colors in a nice designer pattern, but, oh, not me, I'm too old, too plain."

"I never said that. Look, what do want to do, Margaret?"

"I want to start with a nice gold area on our left, facing the road. Then, behind them, a broad swatch of dark orange leaves, leaving the rest green until the final color burst in November. How does that sound? I was thinking of coordinating with Jack and Tina across the street. They're organizing the whole street on both sides. We thought, we'd all turn in order. The trees at the corner would start first by turning gold first, then that lovely young couple next to the restored home would start to turn gold, like a wave. By the time the last tree is gold, the first tree will turn orange, and repeat the pattern. Doesn't that sound nice, Bob?"

"I didn't stand here for 30 years to join some stupid color cooperative. We've always done our own colors and I've never heard any one complain."

"But Bobbie, if we join the co-op more people might take pictures of us in our beautiful fall foliage."

"AH HA! There it is, Margaret! I was wondering when that was going to show up..."

"Oh, Bob, c'mon, all the people take pictures of their kids in front of every tree on this block but ours. I want to get in the people pictures! Is there anything wrong with that? Every tree on this block has gotten photographed but us, Bob. Just us. And why is that, huh? Did you ever once ask yourself why?"

"If you have a point, make it Margaret, I've got a bird picking bugs off my left branch and it itches like hell."

"It's the knot."

"My family has big knots, we all have them, you knew that when you planted with me."

"But Bob, nobody has a big knot like that now. The tree surgeons today can do wonders. Just talk to one, for me, pleaaaaasssse?

"All right, if I talk to a tree surgeon and he says the knot is harmless, it stays and I don't have to join this color coop you found."

"And if he says the knot should go, you'll have it removed, right?"

"If it bothers you that much, Margaret."

"You know it does."

"It doesn't bother me."

"That's because it's behind you and you don't have to look at it all day like I do."

"That tears it! I'm starting to turn colors tonight, Margaret. You can turn colors with me or not, I don't care.

"Fine, I'm staying green till the last minute."

"Fine. Stay green, you'll look ridiculous with snow on green leaves."

"I'm not speaking with you 'til spring, Bob."